wide line self hollow rare track twist eye trance trudge powder empty
It has a faint connection to Poets & Storyteller's prompt “Mostly dead is slightly alive.”
Also posted to dVerse
Coma
“Do you think he can hear us?”
◊
Fragments. Self. Others.
Fragments of life—jumbled.
Scrambling, tumbling.
Like a trance. But not.
Lost. Found. Puzzled.
A birthday party. Mine?
A bush track, somewhere.
I trudge behind.
Bells! A wedding. Whose?
A line of guests. Not me.
A woman? Mother?
I can smell soap.
“Wash your face, it’s filthy”.
Dancing! The Twist!
“Open wide!”
Ugh! Bex Powder!
A house! Who’s?
Hollow, empty, dusty, dark.
A letter. A rare treat.
It vanishes.
A dog, is it mine? Not sure.
Warm, brown eyes.
I hear voices. Familiar.
Distant.
◊
“No. Probably not”.
◊
I enjoyed this It's like following a trail of breadcrumbs leading towards stories
ReplyDeleteI've never experienced a coma, but this makes me believe you have. I have experienced coming out of anaesthetic a few times – and also being aware of a conversation conducted by medical staff while I was having cataract surgery, even though I was unable to move or respond or feel any pain or anything else. So, this sounds real to me. Also, I like the ironic beginning-and-end.
ReplyDeleteAn intoxicating and mysterious unfolding of imagery and story-telling - Jae
ReplyDeleteAll these fleeting images in a life, this is a tantalizing introduction to a movie!
ReplyDeleteI love this! Not only does it belong to the Friday Writings challenge, it definitely belongs on the dVerse Poets "list challenge." Please consider entering it. It's deserving of a large audience. https://dversepoets.com/
ReplyDeleteIt appears a person in a coma may be half aware of the surroundings around him. Wondering if he feels the pain of surgery but cannot voice it out. Great take Cosmo!
ReplyDeleteHank
Oh wow, you've really taken the quote and created something very new and powerful from it. Really nice piece.
ReplyDeleteI love the scattered thoughts in this. They say people in comas can hear the voices around them. Powerful poem, J!
ReplyDeleteNo coma for me, but I have been in a similar experience when having surgery once.... I did not experience anything of what was around me.
ReplyDeletewow i could actually see a family coming and going visiting chatting amongst themselves in a whisper... as one and then another would come forward hold his hand and speak to him directly... the whole time he is answering back tho not a movement is seen... good one!!!
ReplyDeletelove poem, felt like I am inside a dream..
ReplyDeleteVery creative write for this prompt JCN 👏
ReplyDelete