Friday, February 15, 2013

CDLXI - The Country Bride

Red Landscape by Russell Drysdale, 1945.

The result of an attempt at a collaborative poem with Frankie Jay. 

The Country Bride

The landscape was hot and dusty,
The birds refused to fly.
The lizards slept under shady rocks,
No clouds were in the sky.
The man sipped on a well-chilled beer,
A woman stood nearby.

The land and sky were open space
And yet they fenced her in.
She hated the house he’d built for her
A prison of hot tin;
She felt that she had been sent to hell
Without the fun of sin.

The weight of the sky crushed her down,
Pinning her to this place.
There was no way for her to leave,
No escaping the disgrace.
And so she did the daily tasks
While tears ran down her face.

He was used to the heat and dust;
He’d grown up on the land.
He watched as she did the laundry
But never lent a hand,
He sense that she was not happy
But did not understand.

© J Cosmo Newbery 2013

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  1. Brilliant writing - such a sad story for many!

  2. Terrific collaboration, JC.

  3. A seamless and excellent collaboration. And a sad tale.

  4. I think that's how I'd feel too, if I lived there. Well written.

  5. I should point out that JCN has picked up on a couple of my lines and made something much bigger and better out of this.

    1. Thank you. But keep in mind it would never have happened at all without your suggestions and imput.

  6. A sad poem...very well described, you can feel the intense heat and sense the sadness and frustration:-))

  7. well told story -

  8. Wow, he wanted to help, but had no idea how. She was too sad...lovely smooth rhymes..

  9. So often the story of two souls searching and not communicating with each other. Nicely done.

  10. Oh, my. This touches me deeply. I love your poetry! That poor woman and the man who doesn't understand. So rich and vivid with images that play across the land.

  11. Great write! Flawless rhyme and rhythm!

  12. Hi J, nice lyric tale of someone not liking their situation, great descriptive writing.

  13. Somehow I sense that this is only the preface to a longer tale...

    Whirling with Gary Soto

  14. I really enjoyed this! Great piece of writing!

  15. Heartrending piece...beautifully penned.

  16. You've painted the picture admirably.

  17. One can feel the barrenness of both landscape and relationship. Captured so poignantly in this poem. Great collaboration!

  18. Great poem J sounds as if they both needed a little understanding of each other.

  19. ...but did not understand.

    Did he care to?

  20. I meant to add that the story is well-told, and I love the rhythm.

  21. Back a second time to say....poor woman to endure such a miserable life.

  22. Loved that line--felt that she'd been sent to hell without the fun of sin--that had to be your writing :-) Excellent write, and from what I understand very true for a lot of the pioneers.


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