1397 - There was an old viking named Sven

 

There was an old viking named Sven
Who dabbled in plumbing now and then.
"While pillaging's dandy,
I find it quite handy
To be home and in bed by ten."

◊

1371 - Sock and Awe

 

Sandy presented the prompt: "A Magical Piece of Clothing".

Research has shown that people feel more naked if not completely naked.

That's magical.

Sock and Awe.

There's a psychological maxim that shocks:

It's the 'how naked do you feel?' paradox.

While you feel quite exposed

When not wearing clothes

You feel even more so just wearing socks.

◊

An aside: ChatGPT wouldn't draw me two legs with red ankle socks

as the implied nudity breached it's morality algorithm.

Good old Google search to the rescue.

1340 - To all in tents...

 

Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

To all in tents...

There was an old bugger named Jim

Who headed to the coast on a whim.

With three ladies in tow

There was no way to know

What the Fates had in store for him!

◊

See you in a fortnight.  Perhaps.

1318 - An Electrician named Roy

 

There was an electrician named Roy
Who was clearly a girl, not a boy.
There was some distrust
About the size of her bust
But her skills were the real McCoy.

◊

Written following a discussion about the possible gender 

of an electrician named Roy, coming to certify some work in my home.

The photo is AI generated.  No electricians were harmed

in the writing of this limerick.

1591 - Drink

Mad Kane poses a regular limerick challenge.

The key word this week is ‘drink’.

The neighbours all love to assess

How proper your grief and distress

But forget what they think

And have a good drink,

They're not there for you to impress.

---

I'm fond of a red, I confess,

Favouring more rather than less.

And I do love the chink 

Of a celebratory drink

Knowing nothing exceeds like excess.

.

---

© 2023  J Cosmo Newbery

---   

Please note: This is a writing exercise: the neighbours are really lovely.

1581 - A young fellow called Shawn

 

Poets & Storytellers United invite us to create poetry or

prose inspired by the words Reclaim, Rekindle, Rebirth.

There once was a young fellow called Shawn,

Who claimed to be Jesus, reborn.

When decried as a fake

He strode to the lake

Stepped in, gave a scream and was gorn.

 .

---

© 2023  J Cosmo Newbery

---   

1579 - Cheese

 

Mad Kane had a limerick challenge using the word 'blue'.

Cheeses

They can be soft, hard or quite blue.

They can be smelly or oozing white goo.

They are often a winner

And the end of the dinner,

And cheese can be like that, too.

 .

---

© 2023  J Cosmo Newbery

---   

1570 - A Sailor from Spain

 Mad Kane's limerick prompt: main.

 A Sailor from Spain

 Pedro was a sailor from Spain
And, while quite discrete on the main,
An indecent passion
For bondage and lashin'
Got him keelhauled again and again.
 .
---

© 2021  J Cosmo Newbery
--- 

 

1200 - Stressful

 Stressful 

A colleague told me she felt 'stressful'.

I had to agree.

A lady who presented with a dress-full

Declared that she was feeling quite 'stressful'.

I think she meant 'stressed'

But, by the way she was dressed,

The first was most certainly successful.

   .

---

© 2019 J Cosmo Newbery

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1188 - Neanderthals

Mad Kane's limerick prompt: sent.

Neanderthals

The politics of the right are content
To return us to caves or a tent.
One hopes that the goal
Of the upcoming poll
Is that they don't just go but are sent.
  .
---
© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery
---

1187 - Microsurgery

Prompt: Brain

Micro Surgery

A fellow who felt so  inclined

To offer a piece of his mind

Observed on reflection

That the cerebral dissection

Was a surgery he should have declined.

 .

---

© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery

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1181 - KU DE TA

KU DE TA

There a place in Bali called KU DE TA,
Who serve up tonics as a 'liquid spa'.
Internally ablative,
The naming's creative,
But "Elvis Parsley" is a pun too far.

◊

A haiku response

So, it's good for me?
What? Just because it's green?
Coffee please.  Roasted.

 .
---
© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery
---

1179 - Hell No!

A well-meaning friend,
religious but still a good sort,
bought me a copy of C S Lewis' book
'Surprised by Joy'.


Hell No!

There was an odd fellow named Lewis
Who said the thing we must to do is
Fall to our knees,
As there's a god we must please,
Fail and he'll surely barbeque us.
 .
---
© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery
---

1174 - Plating Up

Plating Up

The venues that constantly dismay
Are the 'all-you-can-eat' buffets.
Our resolve dissipates
As we pile up our plates
And what goes in, invariably stays.
 .
---
© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery
---

1171 - Bad Move

Bad Move

There was a young maiden called Marion,

Who always seemed to be marryin'.

Once the knot was tied

They mysteriously died—

Much to the delight of the carrion.

.

---

© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery

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1170 - Unthai-ing the knot

UnThai-ing the knot. 

When visiting a restaurant in Melbourne's suburbs
we were subjected to the manager
dressing down a staff member in front of the patrons.
In reply to a 'Tell us how you enjoyed your meal' email
I outlined my concerns and was told it didn't happen.

A restaurateur, let's call him Brian,
Accused me of scurrilous lyin'
When I expressed my concern
At his bullying turn,
And, in more ways than one, I'm not buyin'.
.
---
© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery
---

1164 - The Precious

The Precious.

There was a young princess, quite pretty,
Whose attitude edged on the shitty.
The chief tool of her trade
Was a guilt-trip tirade,
Followed by a funk of self-pity.

◊

A pretend princess—
Lacks the graces of the job;
Just wants the title.
.
---
© 2018 J Cosmo Newbery
---

1143 - The Damage is Don

Solar Eclipse, 2017.

The Damage is Don

There was an old dildo called Don,

Who refused to have sunglasses on.

The sun’s rays then fried

Whatever was inside

But no-one could tell it was gone.

.

---

© J Cosmo Newbery 2017

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1138 - The mare, the merrier.

The mare, the merrier.

Two ladies were passionately embraced,

Though somewhat awkwardly placed:

They pursued their affair

On the back of a mare

So nothing was done in haste.

.

---

© J Cosmo Newbery 2017

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1136 - Crash Test Dummy

Crash Test Dummy

A young girl slept, as if sedated,

For reasons implied but unstated.

It appears she was smashed

When her computer crashed

And both of her airbags inflated.

.

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© J Cosmo Newbery 2017

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