Tuesday, March 02, 2010

CLXXI - The Basic Joys of Villainy

Ah, Percy, Percy, Percy. You are all bluster and wind.
Below I present a duet based on the work of those wonder men, Lerner & Lowe.

The Basic Joys of Villainy

Sung by pure and lovely women like Julie Andrews,
Dianne, Ms Tripathy, Lorraine, Cherylann, Kate...

.Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?
Where are all those adoring daring boys?
Where's the knight pining so for me
he leaps to death in woe for me?
Oh where are a maiden's simple joys?

Sung by that blackguard and virgin, Sir Percy...

Where are the basic joys of villainy?
Where are all those busty, willing girls?
Where's the girl shining so for me
She splays her legs, says go for me
Oh, where are the villain's basic joys?

Shan't I have the normal life a maiden should?

Shall I never be rescued in the wood?
Shall two knights never tilt for me
and let their blood be spilt for me?
Oh where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Shan't I have the normal life a villain should?
Shall I never take a maiden in the wood?
Shall maidens never flirt with me
And let my juices spurt from me?
Oh, where are the basic joys of villainy?

Shall I not be on a pedestal,

Worshipped and competed for?
Not be carried off, or better st'll,
Cause a little war?
Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Shall I throw her on a feather bed,
Remove her bodice and her fines?
Have my evil way with her, or better still
Do it several times?
Where are the basic joys of villainy?

Are those sweet, gentle pleasures gone for good?

Shall a feud not begin for me?
Shall kith not kill their kin for me?
Oh where are the trivial joys?
Harmless, convivial joys?
Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Why are these carnal pleasures still unfelt?
As my codpiece swells with lust in me
Will some maiden bare her bust for me?
Oh, I promise once it's done
I'll ride into the sun
Happy with the notch upon my belt.
© Lerner & Lowe
© J Cosmo Newbery

For strangers to this site, there is something of a joust going on between a number of knightly gentlemen (or otherwise) and demure , sweet and coy ladies. See the link to Sir Percy's Silly Poetry Competition in the side bar.

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  1. I'm still giggling.....
    I'll never hear it again without the stanzas you've so cleverly inserted!

    Oh my, my sides are aching...

  2. Very clever - and funny!

  3. Oh, that was HIGHLY entertaining!! Laughing still... brilliant :)

  4. Bravo! Gallant Knight Sir Cosmo, that is brilliant, I am laughing more than a lady should, what a colourful imagination you possess ... xoxo ♡

  5. LadyFi: Thank You.

    Braja: Also, my thanks.

    Dear Dianne: I always like a lady who lives on the fuzzy edge between decency and otherwise. Laugh away.

    Come the crunch I am trusting I can count on your votes, ladies?

  6. I liked this a little too much...I confess, I feel off my chair most ungracefully...Forgive me? You got me babe! I mean, my vote...

  7. You dastardly villain you!

  8. Tis Hardly my fault if I "turn Lady Dianne on.” Verily, this may explain Much. For indeed, great Hatred oft' be known to mask great Love.


    TWO ladies have declared their votes for Cosmo when the Entries are not e’en so much as cast? O tainted, biased, arbitrary whims!

    Why then should’st I bother to enter the Fray with a Poem of my own at all?

    And while this Lyric of Sir Cosmo is most excellent if Vile and Slanderous, please take note that he has NOT declared it on my thread as his Entry. Testing the winds are we, windy Sir?

    ALL LADIES supposedly Sweet and Innocent and all Ladies awaiting Clarification by the Censorship Board - can ye not RESTRAIN thyselves until the Vote on March 16?

    LADY DIANNE: One or two of my comments threads ago I issued unto ye a Singular Challenge to enter the Contest. Normally I challenge not Ladies but your own remarks upon Said thread to me were so corpulently Rude, so casting-off of all Ladylike Mannerisms and Pretensions, so Pugnaciously Portentous that I felt it Meet and Fitting to have Issued my Challenge.

    Clearly ye are more than Voluble enough for it.

    Dare ye then, Dianne?

    In Valorous Temerity,


  9. Testing the winds? Hardly Sir, hardly. But life must go on. I have not decided on my entry to your competition but, rest assured, it will not be about you. Or your willy. Or other pissy things.


    I so needed to laugh right now.



  11. I'm afraid I've twiterred away to the HTML of Sir Silley, I doth apologize

  12. Hmmm...we have two distinctly different portraits of Sir Percy--the one of nobility he hath drawn of himself while gazing into his compact mirror, and the one thou hath so vituperatively (and amusingly) sketched here. Where doth lie the true Sir Percy--somewhere in the middle...near his codpiece, no doubt?

    By the way, with certain "ladies" already declaring for you in the Silly Poetry Contest,(when you haven't even submitted an entry to date)I believe that Sir Percy would be within his rights to declare fraud and malfeasance on the election results. I, for one, demand a recount!

  13. Have no fear Sir Timoteo, Percy will do the count most fairly.


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