Sunday, March 08, 2009

CXXXIV - A Seafood Allergy.

Laura Jayne at Pictures, Poetry & Prose poses a daily writing challenge.
The prompt for this poem was “Mermaid”.

A Seafood Allergy

I’ve never understood that seafood dish,
One part woman, one part fish.
Old sea salts, in a crackling voice,
Swear they were the catch of choice
But I can’t really say I totally agree
With these nostalgic captains of the sea.

I like my women full bodied and warm
Not blown onto rocks by a sudden storm,
Cold and wet and quite derelict
(At least their nipples would be erect)
These creatures of the briny sea
Seem highly over-rated to me.

While the literature all does attest
Them to be long of hair and full of breast,
And, reportedly, they sing a siren’s song,
But for sex, at least, their geometry’s wrong.
The books are silent on positions for fun
But it’s certainly not the missionary one.

I respect the captains and their notions
Of lovely mermaids in distant oceans
But it’s not the dream of most sane males
For their woman to be semi-clad in scales.
So, let me be firm and brutally straight:
I like my fish,
But with chips, on a plate.

© J Cosmo Newbery
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  1. Sounds like you need to introduce a new mythology - one that features the mertater - half fish and half potato. Fish and chips on the fin so to speak.

    Good job.

  2. Yeah. What Dan said.
    Only, without bones, either.

  3. Is a lot of fun, oh, The Little Mermaid, a beautiful legend. :)
    Health is the Greatest Happiness
    The World at The Present

  4. But if you caught one, would you toss her back? Especially if her nipples were erect. Mmmm?

  5. Dan: Mertater, eh? Sounds a bit like a tuna croquette.

    Boneman, with no bones?

    Skywind: Yes.

    Lee: If she was undersize, certainly.

  6. I doubt if you met one in reality that you'd be able to throw her back. I dare say she'd enchant you.

  7. Yay..the first anti-mermaid view from a man that I've ever come across! There is hope for this world after all. Woohoo!

  8. Honestly, what is it with you blokes and erect nipples? Good poem J Cosmo, made me giggle.

  9. Brilliant poem j cosmo, enchanting to some... but mysterious creatures I think. ♡

  10. Those salty old sea dogs must have been a bit barking by the time they got to port and found a real woman. Fish and chips wrapped in paper, will be in my dreams tonight or later.

  11. I didn't know you could eat mermaids, but, what a great idea.

  12. Enchanting and funny!

  13. very charming poem ..
    as a little girl i enjoyed the fairy tales involving mermaids.

    i reckon if you caught one and it wasn't undersize you could eat the bottom part and then have the top part mounted ..

  14. I agree with LadyFI... enchanting and funny. You never cease to amaze with your imaginative wit and well-turned verse.

  15. (we loves to make their nipples
    stand up straight, taught and simple.
    Alas, when we reach down
    and find SCALES beneath her gown,
    well, That'll teach us, and we'll walk about like cripples)

    Actaully not far off, as I have said
    Have always wondered how the myth of mermaids lead,
    To anything sexual or so,
    because where IS one to go?
    (though I'll get in trouble if I suggested a little head?)

    (you're gonna delete me, aren't you?)
    Ah well, I deserve the deletion, adieu.
    I just couldn't stop
    The bad words had to pop
    Perhaps next time I'll keep my tongue out of the pot'o'stew

    (oh dear. In for a penny, in for a pound, eh?)

  16. Delete you Boneman? Never! About the only thing I delete are comments with links to dubious spam sites, to protect the unwary.

    Actually, the worst thing that ever happened was when Nea, remember her?, went through in a miff and deleted all her comments from my blog. Really disjointed the comments.

  17. I inclination not approve on it. I assume precise post. Particularly the title attracted me to be familiar with the unscathed story.


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