One Minute Writer had a topic "Straw".I had an urge to do a villanelle, a fairly structured poetic form.
Show Some Care
My back will break beneath the weight,
If you do not show some care;
Stop now, before it is too late.
The ‘things to do’ do not abate
But come to me, as I am there;
My back will break beneath the weight.
What does it matter to miss a date?
Better that than not even there.
Stop now, before it is too late.
Tasks are assigned without debate
And make me wish I wasn’t there:
My back will break beneath the weight
Why rush as a bull towards a gate?
Far better to think, be aware;
Stop now, before it is too late.
As the camel said “Don’t you dare
Put another straw up there.
My back will break beneath the weight
Stop now, before it is too late.”
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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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A very thoughtful poem and well done dear J Cosmo considering the constraints of the structure of a villanelle. :)
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Thanks Dianne. Just had dinner in beautiful downtown Darling Harbour.
ReplyDeleteThat is nice, enjoy yourself in Sydney if you get a chance.
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I like it. Tigerbrite.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this and related to it totally!
ReplyDeleteSomehow this made me think about my backache..
ReplyDeleteI like this pressure packed poem and the way it expressively groans under a great weight.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say - my straws are used for drinking and not for camel attacks. {*grin*}
ReplyDeleteI'm not 'au fait' with poetry forms, but I like this.
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