Sunday, July 10, 2011

CCXXXIII - Show Some Care

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One Minute Writer had a topic "Straw".
I had an urge to do a villanelle, a fairly structured poetic form.


Show Some Care


My back will break beneath the weight,
If you do not show some care;
Stop now, before it is too late.

The ‘things to do’ do not abate
But come to me, as I am there;
My back will break beneath the weight.

What does it matter to miss a date?
Better that than not even there.
Stop now, before it is too late.

Tasks are assigned without debate
And make me wish I wasn’t there:
My back will break beneath the weight

Why rush as a bull towards a gate?
Far better to think, be aware;
Stop now, before it is too late.

As the camel said “Don’t you dare
Put another straw up there.
My back will break beneath the weight
Stop now, before it is too late.”

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery

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9 comments:

  1. A very thoughtful poem and well done dear J Cosmo considering the constraints of the structure of a villanelle. :)

    xoxoxo ♡

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  2. Thanks Dianne. Just had dinner in beautiful downtown Darling Harbour.

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  3. That is nice, enjoy yourself in Sydney if you get a chance.

    xoxoxo ♡

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  4. I really enjoyed this and related to it totally!

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  5. Somehow this made me think about my backache..

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  6. RallentandaJuly 14, 2011

    I like this pressure packed poem and the way it expressively groans under a great weight.

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  7. What can I say - my straws are used for drinking and not for camel attacks. {*grin*}

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  8. I'm not 'au fait' with poetry forms, but I like this.

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