Saturday, June 21, 2014

719 : I Awoke One Day

dVerse had the prompt ‘repetition’, 
with a villanelle as a possible form.  
Ok, here’s a villanelle.
Pity I missed the cut-off by four hours.


I awoke one day

I awoke one day and you were not there
The world, once warm, was now cold and bleak
You’d gone away and I knew not where.

The emptiness overwhelmed, hard to bear
I framed some words but couldn’t speak
When I awoke one day and you were not there

It was natural, I suppose, to feel despair
But it hung upon me, like a leaden sheet:
You’d gone away and I knew not where.

Without your laughter to fill the air
Life was dull, no longer sweet,
When I awoke one day and you were not there

The table now has an empty chair
And meals have lost their sweet mystique.
You’ve gone away and I know not where.

We instinctively feel life should be fair
But the evidence for that is rather weak.
I awoke one day and you were not there
You’d gone away and I knew not where.
.
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© J Cosmo Newbery 2014
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31 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 21, 2014

    Late again? Will you never learn?

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  2. Bravo! Well done on the villanelle. Good use of near-rhyme to adhere to the constraints of using only 2 rhymes for the form, and the refrain lines work really well.

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  3. ha. hard to slip one by on tony...

    oy. not so easy a verse. so easy to notice those empty chairs, esp around holidays...or times you would expect them to be there...and yeah, life is def not fair...the abruptness of waking up and realizing they are not there as well..def feel the loss...

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  4. Oh this really works. No one can read this without thinking of the one or three or five empty places now around the table............we all have them. Sigh. Beautifully written, Bjorn.

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    Replies
    1. Cosmo. Björn's the good looking guy.

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    2. LOL indeed. Now I FINALLY understand understand the comment J Cosmo made over at Sherry's blog!!

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    3. OMG, well, it was late and I was tired. Cackle. So sorry, Cosmo.

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    4. What Sherry said, except for the Bjorn : )

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  5. the loss is deeply felt...a nice villanelle....

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  6. Probably everyone has lost someone.

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  7. I like how the repetition emphasizes the loss, or desertion. Great choice of picture too.

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  8. So simple and yet so powerful.

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  9. So sad!! you made me miss my sweet husband!! ive been away from home for almost 3 weeks now!!

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  10. I really feel the loneliness that he feels without her. And no, life is NOT always fair!

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  11. I just love this one - perfectly satisfying form and content :)

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  12. I don't know what it was but, it was good :-)
    ZQ

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  13. Such strength in a Villanelle.. and I think it fits so well.. we feel like we would repeat and iterate our loss over over and over...

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  14. The repetition does reinforce the devastation of the loss . The suddeness makes it even more bewildering. A heartfelt and tender poem. Nice!

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  15. Bravo!!!! Another well-written piece with a repetitive structure...and nice rhyme scheme. This was fun to read, thanks for the good feeling. love it!!!

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  16. AnonymousJune 23, 2014

    Thoughts of fathers, the sadness is palpable and shared.

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  17. Sad, to be left... either through death or separation. You have the knack for forms, Cos. That prompt for repetition called for a villanelle, and you did a masterful job.

    You also caught heartache by the throat just as it was choking back tears. Stunning. Amy

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  18. Like. Every time I look, the empty chair. So the repetition in the poem is like an inner monologue. Powerful choices.

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  19. Love it so much! Taste of old fashion melancholic classy poem! Your words feel so comfortable in this form...

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  20. Hmmmmmm.....causes one to ponder....

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  21. Oh no... Thats really sad...
    To not to find the loved ones by our side...
    Or...
    To say good byes to the loved ones and let them go...

    Painful...

    I hope that life resumes back to normal soon...
    Time is the best healer!

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