Sunday, February 03, 2013

CDLV - Interstellar Cuckoos


I was chastened for writing too ‘deeply’ in my first attempt at 3WW’s
prompt this week, using the words ‘drab’, ‘pulsate’ and ‘tendril’.

So here is an extremely shallow response.

Premises:
1. Two of the words,  pulsate and tendril, have a real Hentai Cartoon feel to them.
2. A high proportion of (US) people think they have been abducted by aliens.
3. There are a disproportionate number of lawyers on the planet. 


Interstellar Cuckoos

The spacecraft hovered in the sky
And was invisible to the unaided eye,
It was on a mission through space
To propagate their race
Before their home planet could die.
Could die,
Before their home planet could die.

The crew scanned the houses for guests,
For breeding stock meeting their tests.
And these alien platoonists,
Like Asian cartoonists,
Favoured the ones with big breasts.
Big breasts,
Favoured the ones with big breasts.

In a drab little house out of town
Slept a woman in a pretty nightgown;
She was sweet and demure
And her dreams were most pure
When the spacecraft settled on down.
On down,
When the spacecraft settled on down.

Her nightie was pink and hand made,
And well suited to an innocent maid.
She also worn briefs
In the mistaken belief
That they kept the marauders away.
Away,
That they kept the marauders away.

They carried her off to the ship
Where she awoke in an alien grip.
When she demanded to know
Why they were treating her so,
They just leered, with the odd slimey drip.
Slimey drip,
They just leered, with the odd slimey drip.

Nine tentacles slowly undressed her,
While others just roughly caressed her.
As each made a move
On her feminine groove,
The others restrained and suppressed her.
Suppressed her,
The others restrained and suppressed her.

The tempo of the assault just increased
And reached its climactic release.
Once the pulsating was through 
And the tendrils withdrew
She was carrying the spawn of the beasts.
The beasts,
She was carrying the spawn of the beasts.

They removed all trace from her brain,
Before returning her home once again.
She awoke the next morn
With her nightie all torn
And covered with green slimey stains.
Slimey stains.
And covered with green slimey stains.

She couldn’t recall what they did,
So was surprised to be carrying a kid.
While she thought it quite odd
She assumed it from God
But developed an aversion to squid.
To Squid,
She developed an aversion to squid.

Nine months after the aliens first saw her
She gave birth to a small baby lawyer,
The net human worth
Of the population of earth
Was unchanged and the planet the poorer.
The poorer,
Was unchanged and the planet the poorer.


---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2013
---




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24 comments:

  1. I think you've outdone yourself with this one :)
    The 'feminine groove' bit made me chuckle. Well done!
    They can't accuse you of 'deeply' now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha ha... Nothing deep about this one. Smiles!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. We have enough cuckoos on earth to worry about! Many masquerade as politicians.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a toss-up: lawyers, politicians, lawyers, politicians...

      Delete
  4. Kolonel Klint Krude is not my bag..I prefer Captain Charming ,a very cool cute cheeky Cosmo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At your cervix, Madam. (Sorry)

      Delete
    2. You are being very bad and begging to be castigated in verse...no, that big word does not mean castrated!

      Delete
    3. Jeez Cosmo..all this sweet talk could turn a sheila's head!

      Delete
  5. I must say this was a most interesting piece J.
    interesting piece J.
    I must say this was a most interesting piece J.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really appreiate your comment,
      Your comment,
      I really appreciate your comment. :-D

      Delete
  6. This is very clever but I actually enjoyed your first attempt.
    xoxoxo ♡

    ReplyDelete
  7. Loved this, hilarious, nice refrains, a lawyer, they are slimy and full of tendrils. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  8. haha... this is sooo entertaining, a delightful read... thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. When my child asks, "where do babies come from"
    I'll point to this poem and say "Read, my darling"
    She'll probably cringe with horror and never come
    forward with questions again so daring
    Now I too know how the world got lawyers
    Got lawyers
    Now I too know how the world got lawyers

    ReplyDelete
  10. OMG-<3 it!
    Yes, I know a few aliens hiding amongst us
    amongst us, lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. I skimmed this. Worse than porno, it glorifies gang rape, makes fun of it, and it is the first poem I have barely read in a while that put me off from its first picture so that my usual "read again to appreciate the art" just cannot happen. I guess I am the one you were bound to find in the proverbial bushel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks you the comment Susan. I was discussing the poem with a friend yesterday, expessing the hope that it wouldn't be read that way. C'est la vie.

      As I have observed before, I have no control of (and are constantly surprised by) how my poems are received and interpreted. Always at the discretion of the receiver, not the sender.

      Delete
  12. wat a imagination ..alien ..tendrils ..etc made it interesting with every stanza ..

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  13. Cos, you'd think the protofeminist in me would be outraged. Au contraire. I laughed myself silly. Years ago, Riley got into Manga, and I was introduced to the sexy side of it by her (yes, a very odd circumstance, but I also taught her how to play pool and to keep condoms in her purse). We died laughing at the MangaPorn.

    If there is indeed another that got you in Dutch, I'll find it and laugh again. God, life is too short to not appreciate a pornish poem that sings like a sea shanty!! Amy

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  14. Well I thought the bit about the feminine groove to be quite deep, really. Laughed all the way through to the end. To the end. Laughed all the way through to the end.

    xxx

    ReplyDelete

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