Thursday, July 24, 2014

734 - The Social Club

Three Word Wednesday requires participants
to use the three words of the week in a composition.
The words this week were: liberal, profane and quarrelsome.

The Social Club

We all err on occasion,
And, driven by civic pride
Or perhaps some dark social guilt,
We join committees,
Volunteer to help some
Worthy Cause.
Sometimes the profane—
School management,
A club secretary, or worse,
A junior athletics coach.
Sometimes the more secular—
Church cake stalls,
Opportunity shops,
Liberal Party canvassing,
And the weekly meeting organisers.
Invariably, as a seemingly
Immutable law of nature,
We meet up with one,
Two, or sometimes, alarmingly,
Even more of The Ladies.
The Ladies run the show.
Large pigeon-breasted women
In floral frocks, with permed 
And largely indestructible hair,
Always quarrelsome,
Always strident,
Smelling of Camay soap
And the last dregs of Blue Grass,
Never ever able to understand
Why you have no wish
To go door to door,
Selling lamingtons.
They are the rocks of our society
On which many a good deed
Has perished.
© J Cosmo Newbery 2014
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  1. A scary, scary thought. And where do these women spring from? They are never young, but emerge fossilised in their middle age.

  2. Oh! Dear! I shall never become a Mrs. Bucket!!!!

  3. What a glorious ending.

  4. Tsk...I know the sort..'good' Christian women (and men) who wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire...i loved the line about the lamingtons also...

  5. You pretty much nailed "our Hyacinth" bless her! I've found after a lifetime of volunteer work that the crux of this is absolutely true ( and not always as hilarious as here). Well done!

  6. This is too funny and, sad to say, too true for some. I am terrible at joining these things. Maybe not such a bad thing when I read this.

  7. AnonymousJuly 27, 2014

    Roaring laughing (then I looked down in assessment after reading: "Large pigeon-breasted women").

  8. Maybe we should check on the women before we join and then we wouldn't be sorry. What would you say the typical male good-doer would look like?

    1. Interesting question. Very earnest and intense.

  9. You do have a way with words. Smile. Can't argue with your logic. s

  10. To the Ladies! Cheers :)

  11. I think I see some of these earnest ladies around here ~ Surely they are the bedrocks of our society ~

  12. Haha....oooh "The Ladies"---I do try to avoid committees and gatherings where the largely indestructible hair ladies run the show. Very funny!

  13. Well..i'm sort of a WC Fields..member on if a social club is to have me..i better be ware!..:) smiles2..and have a great! rest of the night!:)!

    aLone i go...but ALLONE i stay..;)!

  14. How true. And once they have you hooked they'll pull you in for each and every project they've deemed worthy. They are indeed
    "...the rocks of our society
    On which many a good deed
    Has perished."

  15. Oh what a lovely sendup of the Hyacinth Bucket type of "Large pigeon-breasted women
    In floral frocks, with permed And largely indestructible hair," Brilliant. I had to Google lamingtons!

  16. AnonymousJuly 28, 2014

    Dearie me, I've been co-opted into far too many situations like that - simply because I find it hard to say no, although I cringe with such women around. Very funny!

  17. To do well in a competitive way is not always the best.. You made me chuckle...

  18. I am cackling over the pigeon-breasted women with "indestructible hair" - you have described me to a T. Hilarious! Your closing lines are a hoot.

  19. AnonymousJuly 29, 2014

    here, the pigeon breasted women spent on those impediments, er, appendages ~


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