to use the three words of the week in a composition.
The words this week were douse, naughty and pale.
I have been off at Daylesford, Spa Country, for a few days,
where amongst other things, I had a 90min massage.
The optional last stanza relates to those ladies in Thailand
who also offer a massages but with the hook:
“I will give you happy ended.”
No prizes for guessing their intent.
Thoughts from a Massage Table.
Douse your thoughts of naughty things,
Expel the licentious and the lewd;
Enter into the dim-lit world
Where no daily cares intrude.
In this pale and subdued world
Of light music and of heady oils,
Hands work their magic to dissolve
The aches and pains of workday toils.
Optional third stanza:
In this soporific state, work thoughts,
A validation project chiefly,
Enter into my pampered brain
But only stay there briefly.
Optional last stanza:
The masseuses are a serious lot:
Professional and unoffending.
The massage is both warm and deep
But there is no "happy ending".
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2013
---
Big smiles - to all the stanzas. Thank you. Though I find that massages often stir up rather than dissolve pain.
ReplyDeleteIn this pale and subdued world - Nice feeling and a sensual touch, sad there is no happy ending :)
ReplyDeleteoh I could do with being on that last stanza
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mark any as optional ... each stood up on its own :-)
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the first massage gift certificate I gave my husband! Well, we won't go there. LOL Love the peace I feel just reading this. I like it without the 3rd and 4th, incase you were to ask me in the future. They break the spell from the room we enter. :)
ReplyDeleteClever and witty and I agree with the consensus, they all belong!
ReplyDeleteThis is great, and I love all the choices! I too vote for all four... or perhaps you have four poems.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed these, J Cosmo. I say keep all stanzas. I think a happy ending depends on what someone was seeking in the first place. Smiles!
ReplyDeleteNow I want a massage (but w/o the last stanza!)
ReplyDeleteGreat poem. The first three stanzas are perfection. Introducing the fourth would give it a stiff feeling--and the poem real acts to help the reader unwind.
ReplyDeleteI think I like the original two, as is. But the last two do change the tone and make it eligible for a different kind of publication!
ReplyDeleteI could go a massage right now!
ReplyDeleteEnding not ended?
ReplyDeleteYou are doing well to relax - whenever I am in a situation where I should be relaxing,I invariably can't.
Quirk of my brain :/
Yes, 'ending'. Fixed. Thank you. Beats me who I can read things over and over and still miss the bleeding obvious.
Delete(Sigh) For 'who', please read 'how'. In the meantime, I'm off to slash my wrists.
DeleteThere is some amusement brought into the piece with those last two stanzas. It reminded me a little bit of the Elizabethan bawdy undertones. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThis took me along with you from a delicious relaxing spa ride - right through the smiling/naughtiesh ending - Bravo! Great fun and a wonderful read:)
ReplyDeleteI love massage as you capture it here. Neat!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds good - a truly blessed moment. We could all use one of these indeed.
ReplyDeleteI love it, think you could include all stanzas, and suggest quotation marks around 'happy ending'.
ReplyDeleteGood point, thank you. Done.
Deleteaaah your poem rolled like a massage -
ReplyDelete