Friday, March 15, 2013

CDLXXX - The Parting


dVerse challenges us to write a 'cinquain', a five line poem with
2, 4, 6, 8, and 2 syllables in the five lines.  

None of the examples rhymed but no-one said that they couldn't.


The Parting

Today
I’ll go away,
Shield myself from dismay.
It seems a better choice than stay.
Okay?

---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2013
---
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27 comments:

  1. Ha, it does sound like the person has doubts....that he/she is hoping to be encouraged to indeed STAY. I enjoyed the rhyme. Works well.

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  2. Rhyme in a cinquain is a little bit unorthodox but I still enjoyed it... :-)

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  3. I'm undecided as to whether the late line, Okay?, should be replaced with something that breaks the rhyming pattern.

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  4. sometimes it is for the best to just go away....its not an easy decision so the doubt in this rings true...i rather like the rhyme....

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  5. I like the way you worked rhyme into this form. A very enjoyable read!

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  6. Yes! Go away from dismay and embrace joy. I love this... pic, too.

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  7. someone was able to put a little rhyme into the challenge

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  8. There are no rules on rhyming but love what you did with the form ~

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  9. ' Adieu, she cried and waved her lily hand!'

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  10. The rules do not require rhyme - but they don't exclude it either. Rhyme is a standard tool in the poet's armoury, and you've used it to good effect in this delightful cinquain.

    Thanks for taking part at dVerse.

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  11. This is a keeper....I think a polite choice made ;)

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  12. I am very impressed that you rhymed your cinquain. Glad your poem has you leaving something negative. I love your beautiful blog. It makes you feel so peaceful and warm.

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  13. The okay at the end sounded like there was a hope that there would be encouragement to stay...looking for a sign not to go.

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  14. A shield of distance... yes, sometimes that is what is needed.

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  15. Humorous -- almost like a limerick. The rhyme lightens it tremendously. Nicely done.

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  16. Deceptively simple, hangs together very well and speaks volumes. Not sure about the okay either but can't suggest anything better. And works to make this read as an internal dialogue. Brings an element of doubt and challenge in.

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    Replies
    1. Well, it's pronounced 'al-ay'
      and means 'go', en Français,
      And so it has a pla---ce,
      In a multiplingual way.

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  17. Oh, yeah, I've had days like that!

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  18. Perhaps replace okay with a repeated today? I really like the rhyme, it seems to add a (deceptive) simplicity to a complex form and idea.

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    Replies
    1. I like that - 'Today' would work as the last line.

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  19. No! It's not okay! Stay!

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  20. Simple yet profound. Short yet stays in mind for long!

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