Thursday, June 06, 2013

528 : Nocturne


Imaginary Garden with Real Toads had the prompt 'Nocturne'.
Poetic Bloomings challenged us to use the Hexsonnetta form.
Didn't quite get there on the trimeter requirement but close.  Ish.

Nocturne

The twilight is bringing
A stillness, without grace.
No jacket can erase
A shiver that is tingling.
The birds have stopped their singing—
It seemed so out of place.

The light is quickly fading,
The sense is of despair,
A chill hangs in the air,
While shadows are parading,
The sadness is pervading,
It’s more than most can bear.

With the fading of the light,
The darkness of the night.

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© J Cosmo Newbery 2013
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16 comments:

  1. Not particularly happy with this form.

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  2. The birth of darkness is prominent here. I loved the title - twilight! speaks of the piece in a word!

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  3. You captured the essence of the dark woods perfectly. Yeah, I sort of agree with you, J Cosmo. It doesn't have your usual flawless rhythm, but your choice is word and imagery is always stellar.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I found it 'clunky' - the six syllable requirement is restricting. May rewrite it as a sonnet or common octave and see if I can get better flow.

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  4. i like it. ish. no, i do, i like it. lovely!

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  5. Mmmmm. Deliciously moody. Adore "The birds have stopped their singing..."

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  6. "It was a dark and stormy forest"? Very nicely done, JC

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting, Life in the Urban Forest (poetry).

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  7. This has a feel of the musical form, with its classic structure and formal phrasing. Moody and vivid.

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  8. I do like the form very much...taking me ever closer to the scary night with your beautiful rhyme.

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  9. I love the abruptness of the birds stopped singing. Excellent to bring this form...great job with this challenge!

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  10. It might not flow as you wish however, your "ish" reads like a song to me, I found it lovely (didn't mean for this to be a rhyme, just kinda happened...)

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  11. You wrote this to perfection, kiddo. Love the feeling of darkness and chill.

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  12. So dark, but so wonderfully written. There are many nights I have felt its chill haunting through the shadows.

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  13. It was still a great effort - good going! Randy

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  14. You are giftedly funny. Well done.

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  15. Great description - slightly spooky and lovely.

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