Tuesday, September 03, 2013

605 : The Loss (revisited)


Back in March, dVerse Poets challenged us to write a 'cinquain', 
a five line poem with 2, 4, 6, 8, and 2 syllables in the five lines.

My original version caused one of my readers of the time to complain
and I removed the poem.  I regret doing that now and have recreated it
but built around what was probably the hardest phone-call
I ever took as a Life-Line counsellor. 

A man had found a book when tidying his garage.  
It had belonged to his son who had drowned a few years earlier 
and brought his grief back in full force.

The Loss

The book
Was in a box
When he found it one day; 
He held it tightly to his chest 
And cried.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2013 
---
Print this post

20 comments:

  1. What if she complains about this one?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I will just pull my hair out in dismay and weep copious salty tears.

      Delete
  2. How sad, JC. Dealing with losses, one's own or another's, is so very hard. Difficult to find just the right words to say....or even think.

    ReplyDelete
  3. it only takes a few well placed words to make one feel, you have accomplished that. Brevity & poignancy

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brilliant - and reminiscent of many of the calls I have taken over the years. Some of which have left me weeping for and with the caller.

    ReplyDelete
  5. man. hard to deal with for sure...those totems to those that passed...tangible memories...heavy....

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pretty perfect, to be honest... Glad I stopped by... with Best Wishes Scott www.scotthastie.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. First, blessings to you for doing such valuable work, and for truly caring. Second, who could POSSIBLY find offence with this poignant and heartrending piece?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Goodness, this was really heart felt ~ Lovely work on the form too ~

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lovely...I need a lifeline at the moment.Maybe I could bend your shell pink ear over a couple of bottles of red!

    ReplyDelete
  10. ...life just pass by too soon.... letting go of memories is the hardest to deal...it even may take a lifetime of forgetting... short & crisp & felt the sentiments... smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  11. ... I find this moving and so true to life - however sad it is. Wonderful. I can't imagine anyone having a problem with it... I'm curious what the original was.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's startling when weight suddenly appears and arms instantly grow heavy

    ReplyDelete
  13. knowing the background for this poem, it is such a deep sadness and not easy to describe for those who've never experienced such sorrow, you made a very deep,powerful poem in so few words! Beautiful! Spit a dummy? I'm curious to know why?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good for you for resurrecting this, Cosmo...and be damned those who spit dummies! For one thing, it's an unhealthy pastime; and for another thing, it's very rude!

    ReplyDelete
  15. oh what a lovely piece.... I have never heard the term "spit dummies," what exactly is that. I have found I will never satisfy everyone especially the overly or just plane narcissitic... so modification while admirable is usually regrettable to me as well...I would love to see the original piece...you have piqued my curiosity ( or nosiness?)

    ReplyDelete

You've come this far - thank you.
Take your time, look around,
There is lots to see.