Monday, November 10, 2008

XXXVII - He's got a little list.

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Mama's Losin' It had a writing assignment last week. I chose to do the poetry option (of course, that's the only option I choose) but one of her other options was 'Ten Pet Peeves'. Since then I haven't managed to get the song "As some day it may happen" from the Mikado from my head. So I modified the song a little. There may be more that ten peeves.

For those of your not familiar with The Mikado,
KoKo, who sings this song, needs to find someone to execute.


He's Got A Little List

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There’s people when you’re worried who say to ‘just relax’
All the bloggers who ambush you with their wretched music tracks
All gossipers and slanderers; sordid, vile and grubby
All women who insist on calling husbands ‘hubby’
And all the gentle souls who think that ghosts exist
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS

He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.


There’s people with religion, who think they know the truth
And the radical feminist — I've got her on the list!
And the people who are rude and needlessly uncouth,
They never would be missed — they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who claims, in a manner unoriginal
Though even only a sixty-fourth, he’s really Aboriginal
And men who think they’re not a man unless they have a gun
And people who always see the gloom and never see the sun
And that singular anomaly, the televangelist —
I don't think he'd be missed — I'm sure he'd not he missed!

CHORUS

He's got him on the list — he's got him on the list;
And I don't think he'll be missed — I'm sure he'll not be missed!


And that most annoying nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The rabid Monarchist — I've got him on the list!
And men who spend their idle hours bitching ‘bout their wife —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed.
And the Opposition politician, with never a good word
But with righteous indignation after everything’s occurred
And the tradesmen that you waited for but never ever showed
And the people who drive four wheel drives but never leave the road
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS

You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!

[Exeunt CHORUS]


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© J Cosmo Newbery
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Apologies to W.S. Gilbert.
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15 comments:

  1. Unlike you not to mention teetotallers!

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  2. Adroit... but I would expect no less, Sir... you yeoman of the nimble nib. Seems the muse is in residence again. Praise be.

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  3. we hung our tories .. monarchists .. a long time ago.
    of course, they hung plenty a revolutionary too.

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  4. oh .. i thought of another thing ..
    i don't know if folks do that in australia..
    but, surely folks who put ice cubes in their wine should

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  5. I like the list... and can relate to much of it. Of course yours was done in a manner soooo much more clever than mine (or really any other I've seen, I think!). Nicely done.

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  6. Ah-ah-ah! It's not a competition! I do what I do because that is what i like doing. Viva la difference!

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  7. Lee: Good point. Perhaps they need a verse all their own.

    Foam: Yeah, well, what do you say about people who put ice in their wine, really?

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  8. Oh Cosmo :) You made me smile- so thank you :)

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  9. YOU ARE TALENTED AND AN INSPIRATION THAT TO SEW THE WORDS OF OUR LANGUAGES TOGETHER INTO VERBAL QUILTS WHICH WILL WARM THE MASSES IS AN HONORABLE, CHALLENGING, TIMEWORTHY AND FUN THING TO DO. I LOOK FORWARD TO READING MORE OF YOUR WORK.

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  10. Once again, you've done it! This is superb. I really enjoy your style but I admit I'm guilty of using the term 'hubby'.

    PS. I can't stand the music on personal blogs either. I have my speakers off all the time. I only turn them on when I have to.

    Take care!
    :-)

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  11. Hear Ye, Hear Ye!! Award Alert!!
    nnnneh -- nnneh -- nnneh... Play nice now.

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  12. I selected you as winner of the caption contest. Please allow me to send you a free music cd. I only need three options to choose from and an address to send it. Thanks for coming by, and GB!!

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  13. Brilliant! What's wrong with gentle souls who believe in ghosts, though? Hmmmm?

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  14. Ha, ha, just as good and pertinent as today's version. Agree with most of them wholeheartedly. Possible exception for the gold medallist that wasn't to be: Mark Cavendish's Olympic gold would have made me happy. I blame the Aussies for thwarting him :-)

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