CCIV - The Buffet of Pigs Invasion

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Buffets bring out the worst in people.


The Buffet of Pigs Invasion

In my mind I hear the voice over
Presented, in hushed and expectant tones,
A monologue on the tourist
As they migrate from their temporary homes.

“Look!” the voice is heard saying,
“Here they come! The herd in underway.
See how they traverse the forecourt
As they seek the nightly buffet!”

“See them lay claim to a table
Then dart off to scour the displays,
Circling around the all offerings
To find the picks of the day.

‘Everything looks so good’ they say
And pile it on their plate.
One can only hope that if they keep it up
They’ll be too fat to mate.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CCIII - The Round Ball

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The Round Ball

I thought, wrongly as it turns out,
That Castro’s island, blockaded and small
Would offer some protection
From the nonsense that is football.

“Where are you from?” the waiter asks.
My answer draws a look, half smirk half pity.
Obviously we are, in football terms,
Country kids, come to see the city.

But this to me is not a bad thing,
The sooner we’re are out, the better.
I have no time for the fretful press
With opinions, photos and letters.

Back home, I could see the headlines
As Rupert’s attack dogs would be let out:
Indignant, biting, vengeful;
And “Sack them all!” the pack will shout.

But late at night, down in the plaza,
Not far from our hotel room,
Happy kids kick a ball in the dust
As a band puts out a blues tune.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CCII- Praise to the Yak.

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We had an internal flight on a YAK 42 - the original white knuckle airline.


Praise to the Yak!

A yak is hairy, a yak is strong,
But a yak cannot fly for very long.
When a plane’s called a Yak, one wonders why
But who would have thought a jumbo could fly?

The Yak is a tribute to minimum specs,
The seats were all broken, the table’s Laminex.
The engines were rusty, in need of a fix
The hostess bit the heads of day old chicks.

The Yak is a plane, extremely Russian,
What it lacks in finesse, it makes up in percussion.
But everything worked or, at least, didn’t fail
And I lived to pass on the tale.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CCI - Puppies of the Caribbean II

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I was impressed, mentally but alas not physically, with the number of big breasted women about.
I seem to recall a UK television show where the hostess referred to her breasts as 'the puppies.
It was unclear as to whether this post should accompany the original Puppies of the Caribbean
or the previous post on Boobies. The Burns reference is to his Selkirk Grace.


Puppies of the Caribbean II

As she approaches, her assets wobble,
Like puppies under a blanket.
I glance briefly, avoiding a stare,
And, like Burns, quietly whisper ‘Thankit.’

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CC - Puppies of the Caribbean

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There was a tennis tournament being held at our hotel.
Lot's of sour-faced children and anxious parents.


Puppies of the Caribbean

Obnoxious, snotty little brats,
Taking in their coach’s story;
They work the minor circuits
And dream of tennis glory.

They’re told that they can ‘do it’,
They’re told that they’re the cream,
Then dragged around the traps
To live their parent’s dream.

Not mixing with us common folk,
They are sullen and seldom talk.
They seem a little puzzled
We don’t worship where they walk.

I’m sure they have the backhand
I’m sure they have the serve,
I hope the stuck up little darlings
Get all that they deserve.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CLXXXXIX - Boobies

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Boobies

Boobies are quaint,
Boobies are sweet,
Boobies have the cutest
Of baby blue feet.

Boobies are trusting
Rather naïve,
Boobies watch you approach
Rather than leave.

Boobies can fly,
Boobies can dive,
Boobies have no idea
Of how to survive.

Boobies are quaint,
Boobies are sweet,
Boobies have the cutest
Of baby blue feet.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CLXXXXVIII - Thoughts on a different Plane.

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Plenty of time to ponder on the flights.

When a day in a plane’s to be spent,
The hostess is a diversion, heaven sent.
But alas all the stewards
Dispensing the fluids,
Were male. Or maybe ambivalent.

◊◊◊

There’s something surreal in the scene
Of people coming or having been,
Row by row and seat by seat,
Four hundred hunks of airborne meat,
Watching life on a tiny screen.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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Baggage Allowance

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Found this photos on Lee's 'Curate After Dark' blog.
It seemed a fitting way to reopen the case from the last post.
I have a few things written from my travels but I will stagger them out.

But the above photo prompted a brief thought:

Modern travel has its perils:
Visas, customs, jet-lag.
And waiting around in the airport lounge
At best, is still a drag
But I guess I just misheard my wife
When she said to pack my bag.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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