Monday, July 31, 2017

1120 - Dark House



Dark House

Did you hear something?
The house seems to be empty.
Will the neighbours care?
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1119 - The Greening



The Greening

Life has tough choices;
There are things that you must do.
Eat your broccoli.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1118 - Brunetti



Brunetti

A lady who ate her spaghetti,
Naked, in a small kitchenetti,
Said “I don’t claim to be posh,
There’s less clothing to wash—
I’m not a blonde, I’m a brunetti.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1117 - Waistline



Waistline

A girl who developed a taste
To be friendly, rather than chaste,
Was a romp in the bed
But it went to her head
And then it went to her waist.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Sunday, July 30, 2017

1116 - Go Softly




Go Softly

It’s the hardest thing—
To mourn the loss of someone
Who is still alive.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1115 - Down the Pecking Order



Down the Pecking Order

A chicken who admired society
Assembled hats of quite some variety
But she was not up to scratch
With no handbag to match
And the shunning affected her sobriety.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1114 - Lying Update



Lying Update 

It’s taxation time!
“Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics”
Add “Tax deductions”.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1113 - Jail House Blues



Jail House Blues

The was an old harlot from Wales
Who visited her patrons in goals,
“But when I asked the police
About an early release
Their refusal affected my sales.”
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1112 - Horsing Around



Horsing Around

There once was a lady who whipped
The men with whom she had stripped:
“When it comes to a layer
I prefer a good stayer,
And I geld those poorly equipped.” 
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Saturday, July 29, 2017

1111 - Superficial man



Superficial Man

You base your likes 
And dislikes 
On superficial things:
On clothes, on hair styles,
On the having of tattoos 
Or on piercings, visible or not.
And presumably
On other personal tastes
That reveal nothing
About the true character
Of the person involved.
Are they caring? 
Are they kind? 
Who depends on them?
And why?
Do they do good things?
What do you really know of them
And of their journey?

Anyway
If you are so exemplary,
Why are your underpants on backwards?
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

Friday, July 28, 2017

1110 - Misunderstandings



Misunderstandings

"A shag on a rock!"
Makes sense to the elderly.
The young think it’s rude.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1109 - Cups of Plenty



Cups of Plenty

A girl with enlargements, recreational,
Found her cups overflowed, sensational.
But the stress on her shoulders
From supporting such boulders
Made jogging, at best, aspirational.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

1108 - Apart from that...


A young girl at work was dealing with a number of problems.  
Coping, but she had a lot to handle.  She outlined them to me and
I commented "Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"
And, sadly, got the response: "Huh?"


Apart From That…

Young Generation
Have no sense of history
Words just fly past them.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1107 - Open Door



Open Door

CEO's invite:
“You know where my office is…”
By-passes email.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Thursday, July 27, 2017

1106 - Retreat


Midweek Motif : Finding a Sanctuary


Retreat

We search for respite,
To escape the madding crowd,
But peace lies within.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1105 - Happy Hour


Found this picture while looking for something else.
The sperm don’t seem to have their mind on the job.

Happy Hour

The male sperm swim furiously, to star,
And the first arrival gets a cigar,
But the egg was aghast
As the guys all swam past—
Apparently there was free beer at the bar.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

1104 - High on the Hill



High on the Hill

Once on a hill lived a lonely goatherd
He had a fling with a lovely Swiss bird.
She gave him a thrill
While high on that hill
But his yodeling was all that the town heard.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

1103 - Beer & Skittles


Beer & Skittles

As the bill paying time grew near,
The lady stripped off all her gear,
She then lay on the table
Until her partner said “Mabel,
The money is to pay for the beer.”
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1102 - Worms?



Worms?

A lady displayed legs to adore
And claimed she was eating for four.
But her claim was erased
By the size of her waist
Which suggested a light salad, no more.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

1101 - Boxed



Boxed

Like well trained pigeons
We are put in cubicles—
But why do we stay?
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Tuesday, July 25, 2017

1100 - Family Reunion


Photo by Mink Mingle on Unsplash.


Family Reunion

We came from the sea.
But no desire to return
To visit the rels.

We all get the choice:
Do we go inside or out?
Stay by the fireside!
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1099 - Social Outcast



Social Outcast

There was a young fellow from Fife
Who ate a meat pie with a knife
Where tradition demands
That you just use your hands
And it didn’t half land him in strife.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1098 - How do you want your eggs in the morning?



How do you want your eggs in the morning?

She invited him to stay overnight
And they engaged in the dance of delight.
She awoke the next day
In the family way,
And with her Romeo nowhere in sight.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Monday, July 24, 2017

1097 - Where's Spot?



Haiku Horizons prompt: spot.


Where’s Spot?

Reading children’s books—
You dare not change the story,
They know them by heart.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1096 - A Few Buying Tips



A Few Buying Tips.

Titillation sells,
Suggestive advertising.
(To half the market.)
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Sunday, July 23, 2017

1095 - Lambs to the Slaughter


A ’stock’ photo seemed appropriate.
Apologies to OS readers - an Oz-centric limerick.


Lambs to the Slaughter.

There once was a fellow called Dutton,
With the charm of over-boiled mutton,
His tiny heart would seek
Ways to torment the weak
And he delighted in keeping them shut’n.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1094 - Equilibrium



Equilibrium

We receive honours.
Criticism will come too.
Treat them both the same.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Saturday, July 22, 2017

1093 - Upside Down



Upside Down

Are we upside down?
From what we’re told: Our feet smell
And our noses run.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1092 - One Word.



One Word.

You try to be nice,
But then you are ridiculed.
One word sums it up.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Friday, July 21, 2017

1091 - Shed a tear.


Midweek Motif prompt:  mask


Shed a tear.

Are we like onions?
Layer upon layer,
With no real centre?
Just the layers.
Protective.
They can sometimes
Be peeled back,
One after the other,
Finally ending—

Nowhere.
With no heart
to be found.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

1090 - That didn’t hurt, did it?


Irked by a number of
self-important prats at work
who email you a request
but, once you send them what they want,
never deign to say 'thank you'.

That didn’t hurt, did it?

Does it hurt to thank
When someone has tried to help?
Corporate rudeness.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

Thursday, July 20, 2017

1089 - Take Away


Cartoon by Judy Horacek


Take Away

God, of course, has the power to compel,
As the apple corps knew only too well.
His advice to the brave two:
“A good coffee may save you
But a soy-latte will send you to Hell.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1088 - Nature, and Witches, Abhor a Vacuum.


Cartoon by Judy Horacek


Nature, and Witches, Abhor a Vacuum.

As if witches could get much meaner,
Try putting them on a vac-cleaner.
Just how do you ride?
Side-saddle or astride?
And how do you maintain your demeanor?
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

1087 - Safety Barrier



Safety Barrier

The sky’s enormous!
Not when looked at from afar:
Just a thin blue line.


We fill it with muck,
As if it doesn’t matter.
Will we learn in time?
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1086 - Medicant of the Mind



Medicant of the Mind

To believe in it,
When logic says it’s not there—
Homeopathy.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

1085 - Social Rewards



Social Rewards

Like Skinner’s pigeons,
We are being conditioned—
We forage for “likes”.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1084 - When A Witch Grows Up



When A Witch Grows Up

Wendy was as white as snow,
A good little witch, they told us so.
But in the dark that nighttime brings
She used her charms for wicked things.
And she swapped to a limo, from her broom—
From the profits of her magic, I presume.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1083 - Hard Boiled



Hard Boiled

There was a mad scientist called Brooke,
Who crossed a red brick with a chook.
She was hoping it’d mean
A brick-laying machine
But got eggs that took three weeks to cook.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

1082 - Get Thee To A Pharmacy!



Get Thee To A Pharmacy!

Antibiotics.
Lotions, potions, drops and sprays—
Frontline germ warfare.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Monday, July 17, 2017

1081 - Dark Ages


Haiku Horizons prompt: Dark


Dark Ages

When ignorance rules,
When blind faith trumps all logic,
The future is dark.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
---

1080 - Self-Protection.

Thames barriers.


Self-Protection.

When storms are around
The most prudent thing to do—
Put up barriers.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1079 - Are You Paying Attention?



Are You Paying Attention?

“Once bitten, twice shy”.
So, what of multiple bites?
Just a slow learner.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1078 - Just Words


Fake Buddha Quote.


Just Words.

Unfounded belief;
The original fake news.
Virus of the mind.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Sunday, July 16, 2017

1077 - Hypothetically.



Hypothetically.

Nothing is certain
There are some black swans out there—
Science is like that.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1076 - The Busker



The Busker.

Sharing his music;
It is a generous act.
Will a few coins hurt?
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1075 - A Universal.



A Universal.

It must be empty:
The “Books” all say we’re alone.
Fancy wallpaper.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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1074 - Social Research



Social Research

Large, noisy food halls:
Plastic food on plastic plates.
But fun to observe.
.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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Friday, July 14, 2017

1073 - Ate two, Brute?



Ate two, Brute?

When Caesar was just a spotty lad,
And the empire waiting to be had,
I wonder if he knew
That in a millennia or two
He’d be remembered as a salad.
.
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© J Cosmo Newbery 2017
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