Sunday, August 08, 2010

CCVI - Not the full story

I know of two folk, one family, one work, who ran off to be with someone that they met on-line.
Or thought they met of line. Sometimes you don't get the full story.

Not the full story.

But soft! What sound from yonder PC beeps?
It is an email! My darling Jools has written!
It’s love poem, full of the sweetest words!
Oh, I swoon, with the heartache of the smitten.

Look at him, dear reader, the poor fool
Is besotted by a woman who isn’t even there.
In his mind she lives, a peaches and cream concoction
With flowing long red hair.
She has legs that reach her armpits
And always wears white gloves.
Angels sing wherever she sits
And she’s attended to by doves.

Oh, my head and heart are throbbing
and I’m losing all perspective;
A very different throb engulfs my loins
And it’s hard to remain objective.
O Jools, my dearest darling!
The angel of my nightly dream;
I long to clutch you to me
With nothing in between!

Oh, if he could see her sitting there
In dressing gown and pink slippers,
She has an over abundance of body hair
And her breath is edged with kippers.
Her hair is done up in curlers,
There’s a tattoo on each breast,
One is a portrait of her first boyfriend,
The other, a group shot of the rest.

But time, dear friends, for a reality check,
Both sides are damaged stock.
Romeo is a bit loose with the truth
And Jools is in for a shock.
He said he carried a six-pack
And she dreamed of rippling abs
But the guy is just a truckie
With an overload of flab.
He works in a sweat-stained singlet
And trucks beer from place to place;
But at night he puts on lipstick,
High heels and black French lace.
He’s had a few relationships
But none of them took anchor;
Well, there was a goat called Suzie,
But she left him for a banker.

I can’t but dread the future
For this pair of lusty dears.
It can’t but end in tragedy:
There’ll be weeping, there’ll be tears.

Romeo, Romeo, where for art thee?
We’re a match well made in heaven.
Come, let’s run away my love,
On a scale of one to ten, I think you are eleven.

© J Cosmo Newbery
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  1. Okay, the kipper breath nearly killed me - LOL!

    I think this had better be a case of "love is blind" or they're in for a serious shock!

  2. I just finished watching one of my favorite movies, 'You've Got Mail'.
    I'd say your poem has a bit more truth in it. Well done.

    p.s. responded to your comment at my place. Email if you want.

  3. Great poem - very funny...but sad, oh so sad too.

  4. Lol,I love it, one of your best dear
    J Cosmo, it's almost up there with 'Last Train to Gallimaufry'one of my favourites.
    xoxoxo ♡

  5. dang! how did you know what i looked like ....

  6. Oh, I think you just described my life.;))

  7. "group shot of the rest" is very drole. I love Suzie, too. I've read this repeatedly over several days, and it engenders snorting and head-shaking every time. Well done.

  8. Thank you for letting me know the mug arrived.

    Enjoy and Cheers!

  9. Holy hell... this was hilarious. Thanks for the laughs this morning :)


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