One Minute Writer had a topic called "Manual""If you were to write a manual,
what would the topic be?"
That's where I started but I sort of drifted off topic.
Some assembly required.
I'm really not incompetent
And my wife is prone to agree.
Even standing she'll grant, quite adamant,
That I'm as handy as can be.
But a certain largish company,
Who retails life in kits,
Can quickly send me round the bend
With their wretched box of bits.
It really looks so simple
When you see it in the store.
But assembly demands at least three hands.
Sometimes even more.
You can leave it for some quiet time:
At night, when shops are shut,
It's not just whether you can get it together
But why are you short a nut?
The instructions are quite cryptic,
More useful upside down,
Written, I'm told, by a three year old
And translated by a clown.
Why do we endure this curious pain,
Stressing heart and mind and liver,
When , I have to say, there is an easier way:
Just shop where they deliver.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery
---
Print this post
I'm really not incompetent
And my wife is prone to agree.
Even standing she'll grant, quite adamant,
That I'm as handy as can be.
But a certain largish company,
Who retails life in kits,
Can quickly send me round the bend
With their wretched box of bits.
It really looks so simple
When you see it in the store.
But assembly demands at least three hands.
Sometimes even more.
You can leave it for some quiet time:
At night, when shops are shut,
It's not just whether you can get it together
But why are you short a nut?
The instructions are quite cryptic,
More useful upside down,
Written, I'm told, by a three year old
And translated by a clown.
Why do we endure this curious pain,
Stressing heart and mind and liver,
When , I have to say, there is an easier way:
Just shop where they deliver.
---
© J Cosmo Newbery
---
I love this, JCN! The internal rhyme on the 3rd line of every stanza is really nice.
ReplyDeleteThankfully my husband does the assembly--when I try it tends to go awry....
I only shop in places that post 'free assembly' signs.
ReplyDeleteFantastic, as always!
i'm a great fan of paying a bit extra to have to assembled.
ReplyDeletefrom experience i can say that this has probably saved my marriage .. ;)
ps: glad to see that you are out and about again writing your delightful poetry.
Thanks for the chuckle! Only you could turn the frustration of those boxes of bits into such elegant rhyme. Proving that every cloud has a silver lining!
ReplyDeleteLiving in the land of IKEA, I love and appreciate the truth of this poem!
ReplyDeleteI am not understanding. is this not being what you are having servants for?
ReplyDelete"The instructions are quite cryptic,
ReplyDeleteMore useful upside down,
Written, I'm told, by a three year old
And translated by a clown."
So much truth is just four lines.
And when the irksome deed is done and dusted,
ReplyDeleteThe pesky item finally constructed,
Sit back, relax and perhaps recline,
While quaffing a glorious measure of whine.
Pinot noir, if whining in a black mood?
ReplyDeleteWandering through some of my old posts, I saw one of your comments and thought I'd peek in to see if you were back. You'd left us for awhile - good to see you again!
ReplyDeleteI have begun write with pictures, similar to pictures, poetry & prose - if you'd ever like to pop in and leave your mark :)
This is wonderful as usual dear friend and yes I can relate to your poem and cryptic instructions on several occasions ... my worst experience was the assembling and hanging of an Austrian blind. :/ ♡
ReplyDeleteJ...I knew this would be good as soon as I read the name of the poem! You did not disappoint and I have been there many times before!
ReplyDeleteDan
Uh-oh. Three hands? How about three brains?
ReplyDeleteThink of it as one of those exercises that delays senility...
Too late, I fear.
ReplyDeletean excellent reminder as I begin shopping for the holiday season!
ReplyDelete