Image by ChatGPT
Elephant's Child presents 5-10 words for us to use some or all in a creative writing piece.
This week's words are:
Beating, Evidence, Remaining, Temperature, Stench, Excessive, Oppressive, Exposure, Dryland, Cover, Pink
Drylands
He stands: still, sombre.
Looking at the landscape
That lies parched and cracked;
Landscape that was once green,
Was once lush, was once supportive.
Now the sun is beating down—
Relentless, oppressive, piercing
His heart, his soul, his land.
The wind carries the stench
Of dead sheep. His life.
And yet, despite all the exposure
He says there is no evidence,
“Just like the drought of ‘44” he says.
The temperature climbs,
Crows eat his dead sheep.
When there is nothing remaining
Will he change his mind?
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Drylands is stark and effective, with strong imagery and emotional restraint. The best lines are concise: “The wind carried the stench / Of dead sheep. His life.” is excellent—visceral and layered. The poem risks overstatement with “His heart, his soul, his land”, which feels a touch generic compared to the grounded language elsewhere. The phrase “Will he change his mind?” is a good closing note, but the emotional tension would be stronger if the speaker hinted at their own doubt or complicity earlier. Consider trimming redundancies and sharpening the middle stanza’s phrasing for even greater impact.
ReplyDeleteAren't you ever going to write about something cheery?
ReplyDeleteWill he change his mind? Will he face the reality that this time, the damage may be beyond recovery? The poem captures the quiet defiance of those deeply tied to the land—holding on, even as the world around them cracks and fades. It’s a powerful reflection on the human instinct to cling to what once was, to resist letting go, even as the evidence of change surrounds us.
ReplyDeletePerhaps this poem isn’t just about one man or one landscape, but about all of us—the way we hold on to memories of greener days, even when it’s clear that change has already taken root. Thank you for sharing.
Will he change his mind? Probably not.
ReplyDeleteThough I wonder about his children (if he had/has them).
And I mourn.
'Probably not' was also my instant answer to your question. Let's hope and pray otherwise! (Also, this feels unmistakably Australian, in the description of the landscape.)
ReplyDeleteYou created a powerful atmosphere in this poem, at the centre of which is the ‘stench of dead sheep’. A devastated landscape, ‘parched and cracked’ that ‘was once lush’, evidence of climate change – but will he change his mind?
ReplyDeleteI really resonate with this. So many not believing what is right in front of their eyes, as long as he has his truck with A/C he will not mind the sheep
ReplyDeleteDenial, denial, denial of what is right in front of our faces everyday. You expressed the insanity of it all very well. :/
ReplyDeleteI think that this is a metaphor for the Australian Liberal Party. Am I right?
ReplyDeleteThe Liberal Party with their proposed new indigenous Deputy may have more success. That should be an interesting situation to watch
DeleteI do not think so. Yet the evidence is right in front of him.
ReplyDeleteA dark and broody snapshot of the state of the climate - Thanks as ever as well for your encouragement - Jae
ReplyDeleteHe's not true to the pioneer spirit. Some leave, head to the promised land , i.e. California for a new start, "Grapes of Wrath." I was born in the midst of a/the Great Depression and my parents didn't have enough money to pay the doctor for delivering me.. But that year the folk's potato crop was extra good. The doctor accepted potatoes in lieu of money for his bill.
ReplyDelete..
I Love this!! "The stench of dead sheep" ewww, graphic and visceral and goes perfectely with that image. Puts me in mind of Stephen King's Gunslinger.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is gripping, quite visual as I could imagine everything you wrote! Cheers.
ReplyDeleteA very interesting poem, with great questions!
ReplyDeleteIntriguing poem. So easy to not see what is right in front of you.
ReplyDelete