Wednesday, August 08, 2012

CCCLX - The Mouse

Three Word Wednesday posed the challenge:
write something using the three words "crumble", "drawn" and "uneasy".
The words suggested something vulnerable, like a mouse facing a cobra.
I have used the limerick form but it has a haiku staccato to it.

The Mouse

As the prey feels the pressure begin,
Uneasy voices warn from within,
But resistance falls away,
Crumbles, in disarray,
And he’s drawn relentlessly in.
.
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© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
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19 comments:

  1. Must be one of those three blind mice getting tangled up with a cobra.

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  2. Very vivid. And yes, poor mouse! He should have run faster.

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  3. Poor little mouse!

    xoxoxo ♡

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  4. I agree with Dianne poor little mouse.

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  5. clever rhyme...he should have listened to those voices....

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  6. Poor thing... great limerick.

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  7. cool limmerick - poor mousey.

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  8. Poor mouse indeed. But then, when you're the answer to a lot of critters vision of dinner, you need to be careful. And listen to the voices.

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  9. Sadly need to eat outweighs the danger, but he may be a lucky one as his left ear is pointing backward to achieve all round hearing. Great poem.

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  10. I can't imagine anything more vulnerable than tat poor mouse!

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  11. Must have done something right. It gave me the shivers.

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  12. This has a creepy edge to it!

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  13. Oh I like this - but I'm not feeling over anxious for the mouse ... maybe he's running a maze ...??!! Or that moment when you're drawn into doing the 'wrong' thing at the 'wrong' time ...

    xxx

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  14. The mouse reminds me of myself at 25. Got myself trapped in all sorts of "irresistible" stuff, and it always ended up with me (or my heart) squashed! Nicely done, Cos.
    Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/08/06/monday-twofer-three-sites-abc-real-toads-and-3ww/

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  15. This is very good. Sneaky little ending:

    "And he’s drawn relentlessly in."

    You told quite a story in a few lines. That is a gift, my friend. I like.

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  16. really tight. I can feel the pressure and hear the voices. you captured this struggle very nicely.

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