Separately a friend posed the prompt 'territory'.
This is what the combination produced:
The Wren.
What she surveys is her own.
The range of her realm extends
To the trees and fields she has flown
And embraces her family and friends.
The range of her realm extends
To both inner and outer extremes
And embraces her family and friends
As part of the world of her dreams.
To both inner and outer extremes
She is honest, and lovingly so.
As part of the world of her dreams
The privileged are welcomed also.
She is honest, and lovingly so.
To the trees and fields she has flown
The privileged are welcomed also
But what she surveys is her own.
.
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© 2012 J Cosmo Newbery
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nice...this flows beautifully and captures the serenity of a moment...lucky wren...smiles
ReplyDeleteYour pantoum potential is impressive. Also,your sweet wistful little wren poem is delightful.
ReplyDeleteI did have the 'but' on the first line as well, as required by the Pantoum structure but it really didn't sit well. Nothing's perfect.
ReplyDeleteI like how you've knitted the lines together.
ReplyDeleteDelightful little ditty.
ReplyDeleteBut the Wren, she is destructive. And unfriendly.
I find this absolutely brilliant, but then I'm amazed that anyone can actually write these things, never mind write them well. This is a fine poem by any criteria. As rallantanda says: impressive.
ReplyDeletewell you pretty much nailed this...beautiful flow...love how you capture her character as well...someone that i would def enjoy to meet...
ReplyDeleteSue J: Thank you.
ReplyDeleteRob-Bear: Thank you. The wren I was thinking of is none of those but that is another story.
Dave: Thank you, it is a tricky but satisfying form to use.
Sorry Brian, not inclined to share. It's a territorial thing, you understand!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful poem and example of the form...I especially like the ending...
ReplyDeleteThe wren can teach us all how to live....
ReplyDeletewell done, Cosmo!
ReplyDeletexxx
Late to the party (again) and can only add Wow!
ReplyDelete