CLX - The day after Christmas

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One Minute Writer had a topic called
"How do you feel the day after Christmas?"

The day after Christmas

'Twas the day after Christmas and the house was so quiet,
The few folk who were stirring were resolving to diet.
Stockings were hanging from the chandelier,
Exactly who owned them was far from clear.

Some folk stayed away, snug in their beds,
As an inner drummer banged on their heads.
While the night before they had felt no pain,
The morning confirmed they'd overdone it again.

While they sadly nurse their aches and their ails,
Their wife takes the credit card off to the sales.
And those who now have a phone that can tweet
Send a message "Any recipes for piles of cold meat?"

So Christmas has come and it goes without saying
The Santas have retired and the carols stopped playing.
It felt so good but it's better when it stops
And, besides, the hot cross buns are now in the shops.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CLIX - The Gift

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The Gift

It's time to write that wretched list
Of people deserving of a gift.
Failure in this crucial task
Is a social death, cold and swift.

Chorus
Wrap those boxes, gifts and glitter
Paper, ribbon, fancy bows.
'Tis the time we must be givin'
Junk to folk we hardly know.

There's Mabel, Joyce and little Betty
But what of Peter, Jenny and their kind?
I know last year they gave us nothing
But what if this year, they change their mind?

Chorus

But wait! Who's coming up the path?
Aren't they from across the way?
Quick, wrap this can of biscuits
While I calmly pass the time of day.

Chorus

Oh-oh, here comes Ruth with an enormous box
Something expensive, no doubt imported.
Panic sweeps us, what should we do?
All we have is some milk assorted.

Chorus

The precious offerings are handed over
And we all obligingly coo and trill.
Our duties done and fences mended
Until the arrival of the fateful bill.

Chorus

Giving gifts can give great pleasure
Correctly done, they can be a hit.
But that 'gift' is the German word for poison
Doesn't surprise me one little bit.

Chorus

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CLVIII - Mischief & Fun

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To the tune of "God rest ye merry gentlemen" I give you:
Mischief and Fun

Why do you have such hairy legs?
You really should be shorn.
Whenever you are nearby
My wicked heart is torn
By lusting for the naked bits
Of you that are not fawn.
O bearer of mischief and joy,
Mischief and joy,
O bearer of mischief and joy.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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CLVII - Bits and Pieces

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Bits.

The unicorn, we believe, was once around,
Though, sadly, traces have not been found.
Perhaps the wild sex
Of Tyrannosaurus Rex
Hammered them into the ground.

◊◊◊

The rainbow has the power to send
Explorers to follow it's bend.
They're wanting to hold
The promised gold
But (shh!) the pot's at the other end.

◊◊◊

There was a young girl called Nicky
Who regularly rang work for a sickie,
She explained to her boss
That when her mate came across
They preferred having a longie to a quickie.

◊◊◊

When the sun had gone down in the west,
And the night's in it's starry vest
We see lights from afar.
You can see the Dog Star!
Sirius?
No, just having a jest.

◊◊◊

The Cave of the Heart

When dealing with your wretched luck
And the world around you seems to suck
It does you well to crave
Escape into a quiet cave
With a teapot, some flowers and a duck.

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© J Cosmo Newbery
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