Sunday, February 10, 2013

CDLIX - The Map of Life


Imaginary Garden with Real Toads has a cascading prompt; 
we are required to write a piece where 
the lines of the first stanza become 
the end lines of the following stanzas.  
This had a folded-unfolded feel to it to me.

The Map of Life

Life Folded.
It’s like a fairy tale come true,
Filled with sunshine, peaches and whipped cream.
The house, the car, the well-trimmed lawn,
The trappings of the modern dream.

Life Unfolded.
From the inside and looking out,
It’s hard to see the pathway through.
But from the outside, looking in,
It’s like a fairy tale come true.

The fourth estate conspires to sell
The story of the endless stream—
The ads tell us that life should be
Filled with sunshine, peaches and whipped cream.

We are seduced by this froth of life;
Too late some niggling doubts are born:
Is success truly displayed by
The house, the car, the well-trimmed lawn?

But once aboard, how do you leave?
The treadmill quickly picks up steam
We find we’ve sold our soul to pay for
The trappings of the modern dream.
.

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© J Cosmo Newbery 2013
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24 comments:

  1. Super well done. Very clever. All fits together so well, and the rhyme scheme works too. k.

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  2. yeah, the treadmill. argh. well done!

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  3. Yes, the trappings! So many are seduced by the dream~ I really like your approach and the end, like the mouse in the spinning wheel-great job!

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  4. Very clever...well put together!

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  5. This is an excellent piece of satire, which dares to hold up modern lifestyles to question. The cascading style certainly suits your style. It worked so well in this piece.

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  6. Very well done-the way you turned this around. But the question remains-how do we get off and live a different life?

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  7. Cogs in the system. Great words.

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  8. The subject and form fold perfectly back and forth in this one.

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  9. I like both the sentiments and your excellent use of this form.

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  10. You did a great job tying the lines - and their imagery - into your final poem. Well done. I really like the "Life unfolded" verse - the words, the imagery. Excellent.

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  11. Excellent contrast of life folded and life unfolding ~ A good write on the external trappings of life, that really inside we are just empty after selling ourselves off ~

    Good work on the form ~

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  12. Wow! This is powerful stuff in the trappings of good writing. :)

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  13. Not many have chosen to include rhyme in their experiments with this form, but I think you show here how very well it goes. The folding and unfolding is a great perception, and you skillfully do just that with your message, making each line do double work. I especially like the clean, clear progression, which flows just as a cascade should, without going dry or stumbling. Thanks so much for participating.

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  14. Perfect representation of 'life.' For so many folks. Beautifully composed cascade.

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  15. Beautifully and thoughtfully written, JC. I am impressed that you accomplished FOUR stanzas.

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  16. Not only is this a masterfully executed cascading poem, the rhythm and message of the poem are wonderful as well. Wow!

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  17. Yes, it's all much different unfolded. A wise poem J.

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  18. We are sold a dream, but never told there is no warranty. You cleverly executed out love of fairy tales, but forget that some are filled with ogres.

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  19. Cosmo, this is SO TRUE. The American values system is all screwed up. We want what we want NOW. The beauty of your poem is not only in the form, but in the lines you chose so carefully for the first stanza... and then, line by line, you deconstruct the "fairy tale." Excellent work, man, really. Thanks! Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2013/02/07/dads-dynamic-deeds/

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  20. Excellent and clever. LOve it

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  21. You just explained suburbia - sweet one.

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  22. Oh most excellent, Cosmo - form, function and intent!

    xxx

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