Sunday, January 03, 2010

CLXII - Train of thought


Train of thought

The station's lit with pools of light
As people assemble from the night
The train, serpentine but uncurled,
Swallows us into a different world.
I quickly move to an empty seat
Beside me throbs an earphone beat.
Young girls giggle as young girls do
While the elderly just tut-tut and stew.
Men in suits consult their brokers
Others twitch (they're frustrated smokers)
Some retreat to an inner zone
While others commentate on the phone.
"I like Damien, he's a spunk, like, you know..."
"I should be home in ten minutes or so..."
"When I was a girl I would never try..."
"If they rise above five ten then buy..."
"We just passed through Box Hill West..."
"You can't believe the way she dressed..."
"Well, what else would you expect then...?"
"Please show your tickets for inspection!"
The clacking train makes it way as
A strange operetta for twenty players.
I reach my stop and gladly alight
To wander off into the night.

© J Cosmo Newbery
Print this post


  1. I know!
    I was there!
    Well, it felt like I was right there with you in that train.
    You, cosmo, obviously are an observer.. and listener ..

  2. Lovely, Cosmo.

    And thank you for your visit over my way. I'm glad you are getting the electronic ink out more. It's highly pleasing.

    King regards, Kitty

  3. Lovely - you've really captured the chatter of a train journey!

  4. You did it again! :) whats your secret?...
    You can pull out a poem for practically anything under the sun I guess!!

    This was fun!

  5. I felt like I was there. Great description.

  6. You've just described my every day transit to work. niiicce!

  7. J...this is where you shine! I have been on those subways late at night...heard the same sounds and sat beside those same nailed it!


  8. When we visited Australia we travelled more by train, the commuter one between Woolangong and Sydney, more than we had for ages. I really enjoyed all the observing of people.

    Specially like the line about "When I was a girl I would never try...', very intriguing!

  9. I love how you used the conversations pieces - this was fun to read aloud - the rhythm and rails moving throughout!

  10. you can overhear a lot of conversations on a train ride...and maybe even become a stock expert..smiles..nice write

  11. Nice ride. It sounds very interesting too :)

  12. Very nice capture of the conversations in the communte ~

    Nice form and rhyming words ~

  13. Very nicely done. Excellent job of painting the scene here, and love the snippets of conversation-very nice read. thanks

  14. nice...i like this much...all the little glimpses and snippets of conversation as each persons universe rubs shoulders with the next and end up in the crazy mosaic that is life....nicely done...

  15. I love what you did with the conversations. Great touch, and you pulled it off very well!

  16. I'm usually a 'retreater.'

    Nice "convo."
    Especially like your rhyme with 'players.'

  17. You have a good eye for the characters on the subway and the mix of conversations going on.

  18. strange operetta, i like that...a lot of people made it like a drama, others like music, and you have both in the operetta, not an opera, lighter

    alive on subway senryu

  19. Fantastic eye for details, Cosmo. It was almost as in the train itself!
    Great verse!



You've come this far - thank you.
Take your time, look around,
There is lots to see.