Sunday, August 23, 2015

817 - No Man's Land

Sunday Whirl (Wordle #213) presents a list of words
that we must incorporate in a writing piece.  

The words this week are:

lucid, wine, stain, puzzle, foreign, superior,
feckless, dumb, chiseled, hollow, luminous, winner

No Man’s Land

A foreign land men should avoid
Unless they love derision,
Is that dark hell-hole of ridicule—
Daytime television.

Why it’s watched is a puzzle itself,
Its shows are hollow spleen,
But what really does the poor men in
Are the ad breaks in between.

Here we seem some superior wife
Mocking her feckless mate
For his attempts to clean off stains
Without using Stainabate®

How could this ham-fisted semi-ape
Not know the ‘stained-tie test’
Where it was clearly shown Stainabate®
Cleaned cleaner than the rest? 

All the ads depict men the same,
As dumb and chinless wonders,
Where women sip a glass of wine
While pointing out their blunders.

The women there are all portrayed
As lucid high achievers
While the men are all unshaven clods
Who dream of beer and beavers.

No Chesty Bond® with his well chiselled chin
Will grace the screen, off-peak,
Just ways to have the best luminous lips
To sneer and still be chic.

But nowadays, when roles are blurred,
And both sexes cook the dinner,
Ad revenues are in decline
And everyone’s the winner.
© J Cosmo Newbery 2015

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  1. How I wish that ad revenues WERE in decline.

  2. ha...good points made...

  3. I don't dream of beer but the other thing....
    My viewing is to tape anything watch them later so I can skip the ads. I must have missed that Canadian doco about dam building.

  4. In stitches - truly I'm in stitches with laughter.

  5. I like the humorous way you made your points!

  6. Ha. it's all into who the time slot is marketing to, you know.
    And who doesnt like to watch their oppressors made fun of.
    Luckily, I have a job and havent seen day time tv in years.

  7. Good points made! I too record everything with adverts - haven't watched one for years! Great read, thanks.

    Visit Keith's Ramblings!

  8. Mine spirit doth feast heartily on thy nobly woven ink !!

  9. Maybe because a lot of men are clueless when it comes to cleaning. Unless they pretend to be hoping to avoid the chores.

  10. Ha.. I guess daytime television attract a limited set of people though... Must say I've never watched such idiotic thing.

  11. The right things for the particular folks ,though, this tv programs...

  12. ahh .. Clearly, I'm among the hamfisted semi apes. Good thing I don't watch much tv at all.

  13. You have the best sense of humor and such great story telling ability :-)

  14. LOL. I often think, if other countries watch North America's daytime tv, they will think we are all morons over here. And can somebody please tell me why they need to have such explicit ads for toilet paper? "Can you feel it GET EVERYTHING?" or pads for leaky bladders? Too much information.

  15. I actually can't stand watching tv because of those ads.. :)

  16. Oh I was laughing as I often wonder how anyone is watching this crap in the daytime or night time especially the ads....I try to avoid the ads by recording and fast forwarding through the banal and senseless blather. I agree a great story!

  17. You made me smile, have a nice Sunday

    Much love...

  18. This is a witty poem. I especially enjoyed the first stanza… I wonder if the change in defined gender roles can be measured in ad revenues.

  19. Brilliant, I had to read it over and over, and over.

  20. Terrific. I loathe ads, not least because they always surge in volume, so I mostly watch ad-free BBC, sometimes - dare I say it - during the day! At my age and decrepitude daytime TV can be a lifeline.

  21. Sip! Sip! :)

    Well done!

  22. Great poem. Equality is a wonderful thing when it is actually happening.

  23. I enjoyed this very much! Ads have changed a little, I learned, during my roommates TV time at rehab for 4 weeks. But as you say--it's better to avoid them completely.

  24. "who dream of beer and beavers," REALLY? This was too funny, too satirical, too on the mark, Cos. Daytime TV? I stick with PBS and the Create shows, but truly, this is frightening in that it's all true. The ad machine is on the rise...

  25. But my question remains, are the roles really blurred? Or is still an illusion?
    Well written!

  26. Thank goodness for the BBC! A completely advert free service,

    My Whirl is called Shhh...!


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