Monday, March 16, 2009

CXXXX - Helen

Helen of Troy is known as "the face that launched a thousand ships".
One wonders, naturally, what happened on ship number 1001.
I have one possible scenario...


The ship was the loveliest ship you would see
To grace the rocking waves;
Built from the wood of the peppermint tree
And assembled by hundreds of slaves.

The time to christen it, with all that that entails,
Fell to the powers that be;
To implore the gods of all who sails
To protect them from the sea.

The crowd was restless as it waited about
Keen for the show to begin;
The hawkers made a killing, flogging cheese and trout
And glasses of dubious gin.

The Captain was looking rather proud,
For the launch of his own creation:
“Arise!” he told the standing crowd
“To show me your appreciation!”

“When it comes to ships, it must be told
Our guest has a record to stun:
She’s done it before, a thousand fold,
Today’s is a thousand and one”

“I now call on Helen, fair lady of Troy,
To bless our ship and its crews.”
He smiled and turned but soon lost his joy:
As the lady was having a snooze.

While often things are not all they appear,
Some gin may have passed her lips.
“Enough!” she cried, “I’ve had it to here
With launching your wretched ships.”

She then gave the Captain an enormous kiss
And then threw up on his deck.
While a ship’s life will often end like this
They don’t normally start off with a wreck.

© J Cosmo Newbery
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  1. I'm betting you are right and this is exactly what happened. You are brilliant!

  2. "Brilliant" - my thoughts exactly.

  3. snort.........

    'helen was a lusty wench
    she gave it all up for Troy
    1000 ships she may have launched
    because Paris was her boy '

    most excellent again cosmo

  4. There are few things I hate more than dubious gin. Ugh.

  5. I thought you wrote that she through the Captain upon the deck. My mind was boggling.

  6. threw I mean oops I wrote the wrong one..

  7. Ha ha! You're good, Cosmo.

  8. oh .. so, that's what really happened ..
    hmmmm ..

  9. Then there was the Trojan portrait gallery that relocated by sea: the launch that shipped a thousand faces.

  10. Most excellent poem.

    At least she didn't throw up on his shoes.

  11. Soooo amusing. What better cure for a hangover than an fun poem about vomiting.

    Hey, speaking of Trojans... didn't you leave out something obvious here? Or are you keeping that detail for the sequel to this poem? (Or do they only sell them in the US?)

  12. Yeah, I've had nights like that.

  13. Haha! I wasn't expecting that last stanza!

  14. Love it!

  15. Love it! But if the picture is supposed to be Helen, I wonder that she launched ANY ships! I think your tart lady would be a better ship launcher!

  16. a great laugh much needed after a long journey by car !!

    i can only add that fate favored the Captain. better a kiss before the retch than after ...


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