CCCXXXVII - Cereal Offender

This poem grew out of the previous one on scones.
What, I wondered, would I reply if a lady who read
the first poem asked me if she was a scone? 

Cereal Offender

“OK, so tell me now, am I a scone?”
The voice was honeyed but dripped
With threat of traps, of spike-filled pits
Of trip wires and of arrows, sharp flint tipped.

“OK, so tell me now, am I a scone?”
“You are a scone of the sweetest kind!
I’d cover you with cream and jam
And them eat you, if you didn’t mind!”

She smiled a smile of a satisfied sort,
He breathed and smiled with some relief;
Comparing women to the cereal world
Is a shortcut to a life of grief.

“Dumpling” and Pudding” can be used,
With the saucy permission lovers give,
But only call her a crumpet to her face
If you’ve lost the will to live.

Insurance companies will disown you
If you tell a lady she’s a tart.
There’s a fine-print cancellation clause
For when good sense departs.

There are other words the boys will use:
Cheesecake, muffin, roll and trifle.
But it’s not wise to use them with a lady
Who has access to a rifle.

So, my lads, heed my advice,
And avoid the language of the baker.
It is not flour but flowers you need,
So find some, now, to take her.

.

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© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery

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