Monday, February 27, 2012

Repost - Word Verification Limerick

.
Some people love word verification. Not sure why.
I don't do it and have not had any problems.  Blogger intercepts all spam for me.
I tend not to visit blogs that require me to prove I am not a robot.
That's a human response.
 
I wrote the above limerick some time ago - time for a reprint.
Using words taken from Word Verification windows, of course.

Translated, it reads:
Word verification is the pits
When doing a blog comments blitz
To say verification
Is a mild irritation
Is wrong, in reality it gives me quite a lot of bother.

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, February 26, 2012

CCLXXIX - The Elemental Cycle

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One Single Impression had the prompt "Elemental".


The Elemental Cycle

We’re born, we live, we die, we’re gone
But the basic atoms still live on.
As Sherlock would say
In a roundabout way:
“It’s elementary, Dr Watson.”

There’s a thought that I try to suppress
To avoid any unwanted distress:
I find it quite queer
That, this time next year,
All of my atoms will have a different address.

While it’s both troubling and vexed
Wondering where I might reappear next
It helps to console
My warrior soul
That bits of me were once a T-Rex.

When my elements are so hurled
It’s not just to the animal world:
My carbons may have spread
Through the fine cotton threads
Of the blouse of the sweetest young girl.

Harder to accept, but equally true,
Are the dark deeds that my atoms accrue,
There’s a finite chance
That, in Hitler’s pants,
Was a nitrogen, now part of my crew.

So, as you caress your beloved, beneath a tree,
With bread and wine and hormonal glee,
Spare a small thought
During this sensual sport,
That a part of your lover may once have been me.

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

CCLXXVIII - Pull out the corks.

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Carry On Tuesday asks you to continue with a famous first line but to create your own work.
This weeks' line was "Stop all the clocks" from W.H.Auden's famous poem, Funeral Blues.
I wasn't really comfortable doing that, so did my own version. 
For me, one day.



Pull out the corks.

Pull out the corks, fill up your glasses,
What was above is now below the grasses.
Turn up the stereo; Mozart, if you have some.
Open up the back bar and let anyone come.

Let Magpies chortle in unfed dismay
Their morning feeder has gone away.
The possums, of course, wont miss him at all
As long as there’s garden, they’ll be having a ball.

He was my muse, my mask, my other half;
A wicked counsel and a ready laugh;
My prop, my strop, the Rogers to my Astaire,
He fathered my sons.  I know, I was there.

Tears are not wanted, so dry off your eyes;
Whatever is born, eventually dies.
So heat up the kettle and slice up the cake
Let’s give the old bastard a really good wake.
.
---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, February 19, 2012

CCLXXVII - The Miracle

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Poetry Jam as a prompt called "Have you seen a miracle lately?"

Well no, I haven't, I'm not one to believe in miracles
so I probably wouldn't recognise one if I fell over it. 
But it has always amused me that something really good is a miracle
but something really bad, no matter how freakish, is not a miracle. 
Here is a limerick on that theme:


The Miracle

They were chatting beneath a great tree
When lightning cooked two of the three.
Said the one who survived:
“It’s a miracle I’m alive
But I don’t think my friends would agree.”
.
---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, February 12, 2012

CCLXXVI - Behind the Mask

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The structure of this poem is a Rondeau
I started writing this about clowns, this morning,
before I heard of Whitney Houston's death.
Seems fitting.


Behind the mask.

Behind the mask and orange hair
Behind the shoes and public flair
Behind the bright and gaudy clothes
The clown has feelings few can know.
In fact they seldom even care,
That’s not the reason why they’re there:
They came to point and laugh and stare.
They have no interest in his woes,
Behind the mask.

We are all clowns at a local fair,
Performing in a sideshow where
Others watch but are never close
Enough to sense we’re taking blows;
Few even ask what’s happening there,
Behind the mask.

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, February 05, 2012

CCLXXV - The Wrong Bait

.

.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.
.
.  .
The Wrong Bait

A fellow was trying to lead
A sweet young thing to bed, to breed.
“You’ve read poems for hours
And sent oodles of flowers
But, for chocolate, I would have readily agreed.”

.
---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Thursday, February 02, 2012

CCLXXIV - Full Plate

.

.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.
 

A man with a very full plate
Ignored the allure of his date.
“The main course is divine,
Then there’s cake, cheese and wine;
The entrée will just have to wait.”

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, January 29, 2012

CCLXXVI - I'm Not Normally Like This.

.
 Sunday Scribblings had the topic "Normal"
It was a few weeks ago - I'm a slow writer.


I’m not normally like this.

“Weirdo! You’re not normal!”
Said to insult, or trying to.
But is normality really
Something worth aspiring to?

How dull would life be
If everyone were the same?
Uniformity and conformity:
Normality by another name.

If we were all the same
Would anyone ever miss us?
If we had no defining features
Would anybody kiss us?

I’m sitting on the grass
Surrounded by colour and noise;
But is it the very same garden
If seen though another’s eyes?

We are all so very different
In both open and subtle ways;
Even identical twins
Will have their separate traits.

But the plain and undeniable truth,
Presented clear and formal:
If everyone was just like me
I’d be considered normal.
---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Saturday, January 28, 2012

CCLXXV - Is that all there is?

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Carry-On Tuesday had the prompt:
"Is that all there is?"


Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?
He said with dismay.
I had such high hopes
And have come a long way.

Is that all there is?
Just a harp and some wings?
Dressed up in nighties
While everyone sings?

Is that all there is?
What is there to do?
The Muslims at least
Get a virgin or two.

Is that all there is?
Death is too much:
Watch from above
But not able to touch.

Is that all there is?
I’ve lived a good life
Only to watch the milkman
In bed with my wife.

Is that all there is?
Eternity is a long, boring spell,
Is there some way to buy
A day-pass to Hell?

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Thursday, January 26, 2012

CCLXXIV - Appendix to "My Barbie"

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A blokey addition to the previous post,
Built on Dorothea Mackellar's verse 
beginning 'I love a sunburnt country'.
Please don't get excited, I do eat salads in real life.


I shun a well-dressed salad,
A mix of greens and beets;
Of grated carrot dressings;
Of things a rabbit eats.

I love a hot steak sandwich;
I love a chicken breast;
But never let it be forgot
A well-browned chop is best.

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

My Barbie (repost)

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Australian poet, Dorothea Mackellar, wrote the poem "My Country".
It is something of an Australian icon and most Australians know a bit of it,
especially the line that reads "I love a sunburnt country".


I wrote this two years ago but I really like it so I am putting it up again.
Australia Day, 2012.


My Barbie

The love of stew and couscous
Of rice and sushi-ed fish;
Or orange sauce with duckling
May be your favourite dish.
Strong love of stir-fried chicken
Noodles or gourmet pies -
I know but cannot share it
My love is otherwise.

I love a gas-fired barbie
With tongs and forks and things,
To carbonise some lamb chops
Or steaks and onion rings.
I love her cast iron hot-plate
I love her spacious grill,
For family or for parties,
My barbie fits the bill.

Standing tall with manly pride,
(Clutching a beer, of course)
You char-grill anything that walks
Then top it off with sauce.
It doesn't matter what you cook,
Snags or chops or game,
Dose them well with tomato sauce
And they all will taste the same.

Core of my heart, my barbie!
She shows that I'm a man
Who can do his share of housework,
Drinking lager from a can.
When the little woman's fuming
At the mess around the bath,
I can stick my manly chest out
And boast I do my half.

Core of my heart, my barbie!
I polish you like gold
The centre of my manhood
To cherish and to hold.
Under the plastic awning
Beside the wheelie bin
You are my pride and joy,
I gaze at you and grin.

A twelve ring gas fired barbie
Is a vision truly grand! -
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand –
A kitchen holds many splendours,
With rice cookers and woks
But I know my gas-fired barbie
Can incinerate an ox.

---
© 2010 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, January 22, 2012

CCLXXIII - The Bone Fence

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One Minute Writer had a topic "Prison"


The Bone Fence

Rules and regulations run our lives,
Controlled by Governmental elves,
But the strongest rules that hold us in
Are the ones we write ourselves.

We temper what we say or do
To avoid the proverbial stink.
A nasty question’s always there:
What would the neighbours think?

But do they really care at all,
These people over the fence?
Surely the problem’s theirs, not yours,
If they chose to take offense?

So, in deference to the social norms,
We keep our hearts withdrawn.
Is it really such a terrible thing
To dance naked on the lawn?

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, January 15, 2012

CCLXXII - The Soloist

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 Sunday Scribblings had the topic "Tribe"


The Soloist

It’s four o’clock in the morning:
A swimmer is lapping the pool.
Sometime later, my alarm goes;
And I curse it for being so cruel.

A well-structured diet of raw protein
Helps a weightlifter prepare to jerk*
I have some toast and some coffee
And make a sandwich to take off to work.

The runner relentlessly circles the track,
His cartilage pounded to jelly.
I shower with my back to the mirror
To ignore the bulge of my belly.

The cyclist is pushing the limits,
On the monitors, the heart-rate red-lines.
I enjoy a quiet and relaxing evenings
With a relatively decent bedtimes.

There’s no denying the dedication
Of athletes in pursuit of their dream.
But there’s not one bone in my body
That wants to be part of their team.

“It’s Gold, Gold, Gold for Australia!”
The announcer screams with delight,
Don’t  give me that tribal nonsense;
I’ve gone to bed for the night.

---


© 2012   J Cosmo Newbery
---


*Well, that’s what they call it...
.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

CCLXXI - A Day in January

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A River of Stones had a challenge
on Facebook to write something insightful
about the small things in your life every day in January.  
.  
Rather than doing a set of 31 posts
I compiled them all into a composite about one day in January.


A Day in January
.
It’s dark but there is the sense that others
Are already awake; sounds from beyond the thick
Velvet drapes and cool cotton covers:
With utmost patience a magpie feeds its chick.

The gentle cooing of the doves on the roof;
The lorikeets crippling the unwary with scimitar nips;
The ravens’ mournful cawing, remotely aloof;
 Wattlebirds tout “Hot pies, hot pies, chips, chips, chips”

Cars pass up and down the street,
From the tyre’s sound, the road is dry.
A jogger pounds away his knees and feet.
Distantly, a tram clangs and trundles by.

The room hangs over me as if made of wool,
Or as if an overly embracing creeper.
I want to yield to day-break’s pull;
Beside me the rhythmic breathing of a sleeper.

Warm bodies move restlessly in nightshirts and
Crawl out of the covers, into the musty gloom:
With the parting of the curtains,
The greys dissolve and colours flood the room.

The movement excites the feathered kin
Who sense food will soon eventuate.
Kitchen scraps, neatly diced, in a well-used tin
Are delivered with deference to the sacrificial plate.

Plum jam, home-made with love and care
Awaits to have after the feeding of the fowls.
Served on toast where all the seeds are there;
It’s good, I’m told, for the movement of my bowels.

Hot, black and syrupy, perhaps excessively so:
Espresso in a china cup of purest of white.
However else the day may come or go,
There’s some consolation that it started right.

Who is that in the mirror?  Watching me   
Prepare to lather a stranger’s face?
Grey hair, wrinkles and sagging skin sting me
With the truth about time’s relentless forward pace.

Against a wealth of previous experience
I check the to see what is happening in the news.
The basic stories have a strange intransience,
Just the names are changed, and the locations too.

A mug of coffee, the second one for the day,
Goes with me as I go to see how the garden sits.
New weeds, new flowers,  new growth and decay;
Insects and possums vie for the most tender bits.

Warm, succulent, juicy and red
Satsumas that survived the possum horde
Are a plum prize of the fruitful garden bed,
Some are eaten fresh, the rest are stored.

In the garden, plants get gently squeezed:
Geraniums, basil, mints and verbenas;
The heady aromas so rudely released
Transport your mind to distant arenas.

As if in giant cobwebs, the grapes are draped
In netting, to deter the birds;
Last year not a single grape escaped
The rotten little pecking…um…herds.

My companion when prowling the garden
Is a pair of good, strong secateurs;
Prune hard and then beg a pardon
Works better than asking permission first.

Many years ago, when she was going into town,
My grandmother had a special city-only treat:
A pork and pineapple sandwich, white not brown,
From a small shop, just off Flinders Street.

In her memory, I made such a meal,
With some of the left over weekend roast,
It’s the closest I come to genealogical zeal,
And to my Granny, I raised a silent toast.

Forty expected today, quite unpleasantly hot;
That’s one oh four in the old Fahrenheit scale.
Air-conditioned, the cinemas seem just the spot
To escape from reality, in all it’s over heated detail.

Meryl, as always, was right on the mark
But pools of light flicker as cell phones intrude
And strangers beside me, crunched stuff in the dark;
Is two hours too long to go without food?

We exit from our dark and plush cocoon
Into a seething whirlpool of humanity.
I feel out of place in this mad cartoon
And leave at once, to protect my sanity.

The day has knocked the plants around:
The hydrangeas are hit quite hard,
The lettuce lies limply on the ground
And the raspberries, crisp and scarred.

Salvias are upright and enjoy the heat;
Cold drinks do a roaring trade;
The driveway cooks unwary feet
And open-beaked birds stand in the shade.

Zucchinis, known as courgettes to some,
Grow faster than you can collect them.
But it doesn’t take long for the welts to come
If I handle them without protection.

Cold and amber, the tall glass is dewed
With beads of condensed appreciation;
Beer that has been so carefully brewed
Is an elixir, deserving heartfelt adulation.

At the end of the day when the work is done
Few rewards will so wash your dusty cares away
As a cold beer; sometimes even more than one
If it has been an overly dusty care-filled day.

The evening is hot, the mercury yet to fall
Relief in rain, we are told, is on the way.
The Bureau is 60% confident in it’s call
But, disbelieving, I water the garden anyway.

Out for a walk, beneath twilight skies,
I greet passing strangers with a cheerful ‘Hi!’.
Some respond with a start, as if caught by surprise,
While others avert their gaze and hurry by.

Tending to the charred offerings on the grill
Of a four-burner, gas-fired barbecue;
Gives man, the hunter, a throw-back thrill
And, as before, leaves the salads for his wife to do.

Mosquitoes announce their presence with a whine,
That turns sane people into anxious self-hitters.
There are those who swear on Intelligent Design
But none give a reason for these sucking little critters.

A quartet treacles through the night,
Playing Mozart, with mathematical precision.
The music is a sublime delight,
An escape from reality’s mundane prison.

The gentle caresses in familiar places;
The discarding of clothes that encumber;
The culmination in a loving embrace,
A genital sneeze and then so to slumber.

The rain does come, in the middle of the night,
The air is of the earth, a sense of life on-going.
The patter on the roof is a visceral delight
And the storage tanks are overflowing.
.
The house is now quiet, darkly, softly so;
A clock marks the measured steps of time.
The moon casts a timid, tentative glow;
And somewhere a possum eats my vines.
.
---


© 2012 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Saturday, December 31, 2011

CCLXX - It's déjà vu all over again.

.
Best wishes for the New Year.


It’s déjà vu all over again.

And so we end another year
Whether we’ve advanced is far from clear
While most things were not as we feared,
It’s déjà vu all over again.

Chorus
Don’t you worry, it’s all the same;
History plays repetitive games.
Study the past, it’s very clear
What was past will reappear
With the same story, just different names,
Different names,
With the same story, just different names,

The Arabs had their cliché-ed springs
The Iraqis saw what democracy brings,
And Egypt on a knife edge swings,
It’s déjà vu all over again.

Chorus

Climate Change a political stone,
While storms and floods have only grown
The establishment prefers not to know
It’s déjà vu all over again.

Chorus

Royal weddings kept the media frisky,
News Limited tactics were more than risky,
And Kim Jong-il has forsaken whiskey
It’s déjà vu all over again.

Chorus

An enemy of the state was eliminated,
A computer guru was venerated
And the Japanese were irradiated
It’s déjà vu all over again.

Chorus

So what will we see in the year ahead?
Who will survive, who will be dead?
Can’t but praise the guy who said:
It’s déjà vu all over again.

Chorus

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

CCLXIX - Once upon some time or other


 Sunday Scribblings had a topic 'Fairytale'. 


Once upon some time or other

Once upon some time or other
There was a very hassled mother;
Her kids had not done what she had said
And so were packed off to their bed.

“We cannot sleep”, the kids did wail
And demanded she read a bedtime tale.
She briefly considered trying to sing it
But had no books, so had to wing it.

“Once upon a time”, her story went,
“Cock Robin was killed with mean intent;
He had built a sweet house, made of straw
And the poor old lion had a thorn in its paw.

He ate the tarts that were really the Queen’s
And sold the cow for only three beans
He cut off its tail with a carving knife,
Because living in a shoe was a wretched life.

A scheming wolf then knocked at the door
While Cinderella swept up the floor.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And the rats all followed him out of town.

The witch rubbed her hands with some glee
As the King called out to his fiddlers three;
The frog, it did a wooing go,
Its fleece, it was as white as snow.

But when she got there the cupboard was bare
And told her to let down her golden hair,
But Jack and Jill were only good friends
And they lived happily ever after. The end.”

It sleep was the goal, it failed to work
The kids had gone beyond berserk
“This is not right” they yelled with a noise
And pelted their mother with their toys.

“Tough titties, you little swine” she cried
“I did my best, I really tried.
If you didn’t like it, it’s no fault of mine
I’m off to have a mug of wine.”

“Wait!  Wait!  Mother, not so fast,
We think your version quite a blast!
But you left out the Dukes ten thousand men
So, please, say it over once more again.”
---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Monday, December 26, 2011

CCLXVIII - Twas the day after Christmas

.

 Sunday Scribblings had a topic 'Festive'.  


Twas the day after Christmas

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and not hard to guess,
The adults were exhausted and the house was a mess,
The fridge was full of enough leftover gear
To feed a small village for the best part of a year.

All of the women and a few of the males
Were up at dawn to go off to the sales.
They don't need the items on display
But don't like to think that 'one got away'.

The spiritually inclined still long to be blessed,
So flocked, en mass, to the Boxing Day test.
There the priests of Cricket will bowl and strike
To show the faithful what an eternity’s like.

We are told that humans have what it takes
To grow and learn from past mistakes
But the case for such change is far from clear
When we just go and repeat it the following year.

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, December 18, 2011

CCLXVII - Listen Up, Fat Man

.


 One Minute Writer had a topic "Santa"
The image is a modified Norman Rockwell.


Listen up, Fat Man.

Don’t give me sock or hankies,
Forget about the books,
I have no need for power tools,
Leaf blowers are for sooks.

I have a phone and need no more
My kitchen is well kitted,
The sweaters have been well and good
But very few have fitted.

It’s not that I’m not grateful,
There is just nothing that I plead for:
I have not the slightest interest
In things I have no need for.

If I really must have a list
Of things to send my way:
How about an equal world
Where all can have a say?

Is a well managed planet
Beyond your elfish crew?
Resources should belong to all
And not just the selfish few.

And wars give me the irrits,
They are never ever right;
Kindly ditch all politicians
Who send our youth away to fight.

My last wish is a cheeky one,
And would let you retire your sleigh:
Could rid us of religion?
That would truly make my day.


---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

CCLXVI - Pooh is high.

.
.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.
While I believe a limerick should be risqué,
I played this one straight.


A bear who was terribly high
Regretted his decision to fly.
“While it is rather sunny,
There’s an  absence of hunny,
And the bees are in oversupply."

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, December 11, 2011

CCLXV - The Joy of Playing Hard To Get

.

Sunday Scribblings had a topic 'Joy'. 


The Joy of Playing Hard To Get.

Most people have the wrong idea
About joy and how to find it.
Very few know what it is
And fewer still defined it.

Some think it's on the golf course,
Others in a grandchild on the knee,
Some take to writing poems,
Others search beside the sea.

Some think it found in chemicals
Of confectionery, drink or pills;
Others look for it in adrenalin
That fuels their need for thrills.

Advertisers, of course, sell the line
That you life is dull and grey
Unless you eat their products
Or drive their car away.

But joy is a mixed up mugger,
Hidden where you can’t detect it,
But leaps out and then rewards you
When you least of all expect it.

Searching for joy is pointless,
A misguided thing to do;
Set your heart on contentment
And let joy come looking for you.
---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---


"Happiness is like a butterfly:
the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, 
but if you turn your attention to other things, 
it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

- Thoreau
.

CCLXIV - A Girl Who Was Frequently Prone.

.
.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.


A girl, who was frequently prone,
Was amazed how her business had grown.
“I’m flat out at work”
She said with a smirk,
“I’m helping the wild oats to be sown.”

 ◊◊◊

A girl, who was frequently prone,
Was seldom in that position alone.
“Most, of course,
Prefer intercourse,
But others are happy to be blown.”

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, December 04, 2011

CCLXIII - Le gros mort

.


.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.

A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a night with a woman-to-rent,
At the orgasmic crest,
Had a cardiac arrest:
“He came and, then sadly, he went.”

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, November 06, 2011

CCLXII - Worldwide Fame

.

.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.


A fellow was famous worldwide
For the women he took in his stride.
He’d woo them and bed them
But certainly not wed them:
He just went along for the ride.

A fellow was famous worldwide
For a habit that few could abide.
While he insisted it legal
To have sex with a beagle
It’s now up to a judge to decide.

A woman was famous worldwide
For a coat that was made from the hide
Of a husband she’d caught
In a naked cavort
With a saucy little piece on the side.


---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Monday, October 31, 2011

CCLXI - Nightfall

.


Nightfall
Halloween 2011

The Atheist and the Satanist
Were standing toe to toe.
‘Twas the hallowed evening
When the devils do their show;
One there couldn’t grasp it,
The other wouldn’t let it go.

Said the Satanist to the Atheist
“I can scare you from your shoes;
I can bring forth all the nasties
With blood and gore and ooze;
I can pile them up in front of you,
If you even flinch, you lose.”

The Atheist sighed and looked most sad
“I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:
There is no need for your deathly lot
To ride screaming through the glen:
There’s a surplus of evil in this world,
Already in the mind of men.

But all that being said and done,
I don’t mind the ghoulish rally.
It’s amusing on a quiet night
When there’s not a lot on telly
And, just between the two of us,
I have a passion for green jelly."

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Friday, October 28, 2011

CCLX - Telling Tales

.

.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.


A woman who was telling a tale
In breathless and intricate detail
Turned quite blue
Before it was through
As she completely forgot to exhale.

◊◊◊

A fellow who was telling a tale
Of his prowess as a virile young male
Found his nose growing longer
Than his pitiful donger:
A lesson to all who drink ale.

---


© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
---

Sunday, October 23, 2011

CCLIXe - The Good Ship : Fit the Fifth

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This is the fifth part of a five-part post. The first part is here.

The Good Ship
An Agony in five Fits.

Fit the Fifth

They sought it with spreadsheets, they sought it with guile
They pursued it without any pity;
They had countless reviews that, once in a while,
Resulted in another committee.

◊

The ocean was red, there was a fearful rip,
The water was full of wrecks;
Strange creatures swam around the ship
With long and scaly necks.

“Rise to the occasion!” the Captain cried
“We’ll give our foe a beating!
Into the jaws of calamity we’ll ride
But first we’ll hold a meeting.”

The Bosun took the minutes, the Captain took the floor,
“I admit that things are looking rather choppy.
But don’t take notes, I have an electronic whiteboard
And can give you all a copy.”

“You plan looks fine, as far as it goes”
Said the Fool, who knew a thing or two.
“If it has a flaw, it is that it truly shows
That you really need some crew.”

Now, finally sensing the coming disaster,
The Captain went down below
And return to the deck with the Trader
And cried “Row, you bastard row!”

(solo)

The Captain prowls the ship at night
But all the crew have taken flight,
We are the Ghost Ship
The served up on toast ship,
Could the last one out dim the lights.
The lights,
Could the last one out dim the lights?

◊◊◊

Epilogue

Thus I woke from my troubled sleep;
It had truly been a dream, most strange.
I marveled that my brain would keep
Such nonsense, within its range.

Surely such a story is fiction at best,
With no chance of it being true?
I cleared my mind of the whole silly mess
And bid the mad dream ‘adieu’.

La Fin.

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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CCLIXd - The Good Ship : Fit the Fourth

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The Good Ship
An Agony in five Fits.

Fit the Fourth

They sought it on bridges, they sought it with charts
They even used pivot tables.
They dissected it into it’s component parts
But then could not read any of the labels.

◊

They sailed away for a week and a day
‘Til the landscape looked familiar to some.
It seems they had sailed in a circular way
And were back where they started from.

I think we’re in trouble, the Captain confessed
From the bubbles within his bath.
“Contact Admiralty, send a request
For a pilot to plot our path”.

A pilot in a kilt was reserved
To steer them through the seas.
While no-one heard what he observed,
They all admired his knees.

The Pilot said “I know the way
To reach the Promised Land”
But if the Captain cared he didn’t say
And dismissed him out of hand.

“My lot in life’s is to pilot ships
You’ve a need for me no more”
So he hitched his kilt to his boney hips
And waded to the shore.

They hoisted the sails high up the mast
And sailed on for a day or two.
The Captain turned to the Trader and asked
“Um…does this place look familiar to you?”

(duet)

No-one knows why we’re here
And how to sail is far from clear
We are the Good Ship
The misunderstood ship
And no-one knows how to steer.
To steer,
And no-one knows how to steer.

(Continued here)

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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CCLIXc - The Good Ship : Fit the Third

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The Good Ship
An Agony in five Fits.

Fit the Third

They sought it with discounts, they tried the hard sell,
They promised the earth and sky
What worked so well when put in Excel
In reality, could never fly.

◊

The Purser called a meeting, there was panic in his eyes,
“From the books, I present my findings:
The budget’s shot: our costs are on the rise
And our income is dead, flat-lining.

The Trader said “Oh Captain my dear,
It’s been months since I sold, it’s true,
But you could save a lot of money , it’s clear,
If you reduced the size of the crew.

“But good crew are so hard to find”
The Fool muttered to himself.
The Master woke and brief opined:
“Bah! You can get them off the shelf!”

“Sack some crew”, the Trader said,
“They’re a dime a dozen if we need some more!”
Offended, some jumped overboard
And swam off to the shore.

“But”, said the Fool, “and I’ve said it oft before”,
You’ve trimmed well beyond the fat.
The muscle’s gone and the carcass is raw.
You wont get far with that.

With the crew now reduced to three
The ship went nowhere fast.
It sat in the waters of a red ink sea
While others sailed on past.

Chorus

Perhaps we’re abandoned, perhaps we’re cursed,
It’s hard to tell which one is worst,
We are the Good Ship
The misunderstood ship
But we are either stopped or in reverse.
Reverse.
We are either stopped or in reverse.

(Continued here)

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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CCLIXb - The Good Ship : Fit the Second

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The Good Ship
An Agony in five Fits.

Fit the Second

They sought it in spats, They lured it with wheat
They hunted it beyond the square
They looked where they had looked only last week
And were amazed that it still wasn’t there.

◊

Admiralty sent a message trough
With some cheese and buttered snails.
“Go north without any further ado,
It’s time to hoist your sails.”

The Fool said “But it’s beyond our borders
The Purser feared the cost
The Captain said “I have my orders
The Crew cried out “We are lost!”.

The Trader was just tickled pink
For she secretly knew the worst:
That she couldn't sell an icy drink
To someone with a thirst.

The Captain was oblivious to what was in his hold
But from his act you couldn’t tell it.
The Trader knew but never told
In case she had to sell it.

The Fool said to the Trader one day
“Pray, what is it that you sell?”
“This ship” she said in an off hand way
“Is not provisioned well.”


“The hold is full of corn and wheat
But I want to sell black beans.
And I am sure that my books would look so sweet
If we traded salad greens.”

“But”, said the Fool, “if our cargo is wheat and corn,
Shouldn’t we be trading that?”
The Trader sneered and replied with scorn:
“Trust me, I know where the market’s at.”

Chorus

We sail in search of figures in black
We zig, we zag, we jibe and tack.
We are the Good Ship
The misunderstood ship
For every step forward we take two back.
Two back
For every step forward we take two back.

(Continued here)

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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CCLIXa - The Good Ship : Fit the First

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It is human nature to imagine the real when there is only the imaginary.
Any resemblance of the characters in this tale to other people, living, dead, real or imaginary,
is purely co-incidental.

Illustrations: Antonella Castelli tarot cards.



The Good Ship
An Agony in five Fits.

Prologue

I had been reading the Snark,
Carroll’s great tale,
The day had gone, it was quite dark,
It seems I’d drunk a little ale…

A wave of weariness filled my head
And, with no need for counting sheep,
I lay my head upon the bed
And drifted off to sleep.

And as in uffish sleep I slept
A dream most odd unrolled.
I give you now what my memory’s kept
Before the tale gets cold.



Fit the First

They sought it with razors, they sought it with pens
They chased it with a baguette
They cornered it every now and then
But it always slipped their net.

◊

The Captain was the dogged type,
With scowl and under-bite.
Much of what he said was tripe
But, as Captain, always right.

He seemed to be unduly scared
Of any knowledge transfers
He’d ask questions, as if he really cared,
But never listened to the answers.

The Bosun was the nominal head
And prayed five times a day.
No-one understood a word he said
And preferred it stay that way.

The Purser kept the cash required,
His smile as sweet as honey.
He said they could buy as they desired,
As long as they spent no money.

The Master’s job was to tend to the crew
To see them properly fed
But seems at a loss to know what to do
And spent all day in bed.

The Trader was always beautifully dressed
In clothes from the Italian spring.
She look so good that no-one guessed
That she had never sold a thing.

The ship had a Fool, a harmless buffoon,
Who watched the charade with dismay
He’d rant at length on a warm afternoon
But they turned their heads away.

Chorus

The ship is full of poor lost souls
No-one here knows their roles
We are the Good Ship
The misunderstood ship
Our sails are up but full of holes,
Full of holes.
Our sails are up but full of holes,

(Continued here)


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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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Monday, October 10, 2011

Off to far flung places

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Packed my job in on Friday. Got home to find an email from a competitor saying 'Give us a call'. What have I got to loose?

Off for a quickish trip to Europe (London & Prague) tonight (Monday, Australian time. Make your own time adjustments.).

See you in a fortnight.

Can you write a limerick about beer and dumplings? We'll see.

Play nicely while I'm away.

...

Sunday, October 09, 2011

CCLVIII - A Hard Case

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.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.


A harlot at work on a case
Got splinters in her pretty pink base,
“When a guy wants a quickie
You can’t be too picky
And there was really no other place.”

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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Tuesday, October 04, 2011

CCLVII - Love Bite

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.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.
This is a third go at the previous prompt.


A guy in the mood for a bite
Wears a cape and travels by night.
There’s a cave where he hangs
And polishes his fangs
While dreaming of necks that excite.

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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Monday, October 03, 2011

CCLVI - Finely hewn fragment

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This was written as part of something else
But that something never progressed.
Might as well put it up here until I need it.


The pride of his manhood, finely hewn,
Was enough to make a young girl swoon:
He was hung like a bull,
And their gravitational pull
Disturbed the path of the moon,
The moon,
Disturbed the path of the moon.

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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CCLV - Light diet

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.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.
This is a second go at the previous prompt.


A guy in a mood for a bite
Ate a candle and half a flashlight
"I’m on a new diet,
I urge you to try it
Now I’m lighter but not very bright."

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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Sunday, October 02, 2011

CCLIV - Once bitten

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.Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line, the rest is up to us.


A guy in the mood for a bite
Asked a girl if she’d stay for the night.
She said “I won’t quibble,
Whether a bite or a nibble,
But that’s all you be getting tonight.”

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© 2011 J Cosmo Newbery
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